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Will you please read this?

Will you please read this? Topic: Calloused fingers from writing as an act
June 27, 2019 / By Faith
Question: It was a huge risk. The several hundred, if not thousand, people buzzing around her only instigated the furious debate raging in her brilliant mind. Her pale hand took the red passport from her pants pocket and she glared at the name imprinted inside the little booklet: Lilly. Hazel eyes scanned the faces within close proximity questioning who was to die. Callous and cold the attitude may be, this mysterious girl in no way indicated nerves or fear; the feeling she couldn’t control was guilt. Guaranteeing the plane would crash was questionable yet Lilly could not help but wonder whose deaths she would be responsible for. A sudden knock caused the young woman to regain her focus as a camera wielding, tubby man barged past her muttering something to the device in his hand. The check in process was boring and mundane as Lilly explained she did not care where she was seated on the plane and faced questioning for her small amount of luggage. Towering escalators, oddly positioned water fountains, an array of gadget shops and overpriced clothing stores... this London airport bared little difference to any other. The diversity of the manic and frenzied travelers had always fascinated Lilly and she witnessed several arguments, frantic sprinting and hurried shopping on her way to gate seventeen. Once in the penned area, the young woman looked at her passport once again sighing at the new name and date of birth. Too many conflicting thoughts raged in her head as she realized there was no guarantee the plane would even crash and after all, she had completed journeys safely before, why should this time be any different? With a shudder, the huge ‘BluSky’ aircraft roared to life and crept down the gigantic runway. This is it, thought Lily. The day I make them proud. A makeup clad woman in impractical heels fiddled with the lifejacket over her head as she demonstrated the emergency procedure whilst the pilot informed his passengers of the current schedule. Lilly’s eyes scrutinized every person upon the plane, a few felt unnerved by her constant staring, and there was no denying her heart beat had quickened slightly as the jet rumbled before leaving the tarmac below. Her golden unkempt hair stuck to the glass as she watched the houses disappear from the cold window and began to consider when exactly the crash would occur. Not once could you see apprehension, or any emotion for that matter, within Lilly’s eyes and she always appeared calm yet unapproachable. A wobbly drinks trolley rolled past several times within the ten hours the plane had been airborne and the revolting smell of airplane food swept through the compartments as the neatly packed meals were unleashed. Ten long hours had passed. Two hundred and fifty passengers squirmed restlessly in their seats as a sudden bang dominated the cabin – it was beginning. --------------------------------------... “It was reported late this night that a 747 flying from Heathrow in London over to New York City has crashed landed in the middle of the Atlantic sea. Both American Coast Guards and British Rescue workers are currently prodding the water for any signs of survivors—but as for now, all are missing. Stay with us for more details on this disaster….” The sounds of a television awoke Kelsie, who shook her head groggily, looking over to the other bed across the cabin. It was empty, and as she sat up, she decided to see what was happening. Opening the door and slipping out, she limberly crossed the hall into the bridge. Wrapped up in their robes, Mr. Wolff, Ms. Hallman, Seth, Annalise, and Roger were crowded around a television, watching the evening news. “What’s happened?” she asked. Mr. Wolff turned his head. “The Darks, that’s what’s happened.” “What did they do this time?” She came to stand beside Roger. Mr. Wolff’s eyes never left the screen. “They’ve just got a new member, it seems.” “A new member? Why would they get a new member?” asked Roger, looking over at Mr. Wolff. There was an uncertain silence. “I’m afraid…I don’t know.” No....If I wrote it, how would I steal it?
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Best Answers: Will you please read this?

Connie Connie | 8 days ago
You obviously have talent at spinning a tale, but the writing is a bit cumbersome and some words are used oddly. For professional-grade writing, you have way too many modifiers (adjectives mainly). You should not describe every single thing with multiple adjectives. It makes the prose feel heavy and slow, and this is a scene that should be emotional. Example: A sudden knock caused the young woman to regain her focus as a camera wielding, tubby man barged past her muttering something to the device in his hand. First of all, I would wonder if the man was important in some way, since you gave him so much 'air time.' Being bumped into is a quick thing. It's over in an instant, but you make the reader notice 4 things about him. Do they matter to the story? I also find it odd that some guy rushing for the train is holding a phone and a camera at the same time. Also, the sentence is in passive voice. The subject of the sentence (the young woman) should be acting, not being acted upon. Perhaps: She regained her focus when a tubby man muttering into his cellphone bumped her shoulder. And about that emotion... The girl's about to blow up a plane! You told us she felt guilt, but didn't show it. Engage the reader by showing the manifestations of her emotions. Are her palms clammy? Do her eyes dart around or does she just merely 'look' at the people she's about to kill. Use specific verbs to create more reaction in the reader. Finally, some odd word choices. "people buzzing around her only instigated the furious debate raging in her brilliant mind." -- instigated means to start something, not to make it greater "Rescue workers are currently prodding the water for any signs of survivors" -- prodding means to poke or push. I see a mental image of rescuers thrusting fingers into the ocean, or thrusting poles into it. Perhaps combing the water, or just searching. Best of luck!
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We found more questions related to the topic: Calloused fingers from writing as an act


Connie Originally Answered: If i can read and enjoy Crime and Punishment, is there any reason i couldn't also read Anna Karenina.?
Oh my goodness, I *LOVE* C&P. Good for you for taking it on! That was such an amazing, sweaty little book, wasn't it? I actually started War And Peace, and gave up after about 400 pages - not because it was, like, too *hard*, but because I was bored. I found Tolstoy's language far less artful, far more humdrum than Dostoevsky's. Maybe I had a dull translation, I don't know - but what I do know is reading Tolstoy was far easier. I don't think you need to be intimidated at all. But, wow, wasn't C&Psomething else? That dream about the horse. . . that had me crying, just sitting there in the cafeteria at work, crying over my Coke and my crackers. On one level, I wish I could *unread* that dream - it had me depressed for days. But that is the genius of it, you know? It left such an indelible impression on me. I say, go for it, and if you feel like quitting halfway through - ain't no shame! :)
Connie Originally Answered: If i can read and enjoy Crime and Punishment, is there any reason i couldn't also read Anna Karenina.?
Anna Karenina is understandable by Leo Tolstoy,, If you can read Fydor Dostejevsky you can read Anna Karenina ..I wouldn't recommend War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy because that has way too many characters and it's very long and one gets totally confused but the movie exists..watch ''War and Peace the longest and most difficult Leo Tolstoy work...with Audrey Hepburn in the leading role..x
Connie Originally Answered: If i can read and enjoy Crime and Punishment, is there any reason i couldn't also read Anna Karenina.?
Anna Karenina is much easier than Crime and Punishment. At least in my opinion because I have read and enjoyed Anna Karenina, but I never got through Crime and Punishment. Anna Karenina is a domestic drama and basically realistic. It is much like novels written today. Congrats on finishing C&P!

Connie Originally Answered: I love to read but I just cant read this book. what is the most important character in Wuthering Heights?
Everyone is going to say "Heathcliff, Heathcliff, Heathcliff". And they're going to say that for several good and valid reasons. And I won't argue that it isn't true, but the thing of it is: Heathcliff's behavior has a catalyst. It doesn't occur without reason or cause, and without it, there would be no story. That cause, reason, and catalyst is: Catherine. In brief I would argue there is no single most important character, because you need both to have not only the story, but complete character development. I mean, think about it. Would Heathcliff have been wandering the earth as a ghost without Catherine? No. Would have he had the drive to go and end up being the property holder of both Wuthering Heights and the Grange? No. Would he have been as single mindedly driven mad and angry with the world, without Catherine? No. Would he have married for petty jealousy and revenge without Catherine? No. Would his suffering have been as intense and would he make miserable all those around him? No. Ever see the movie Legends of the Fall ? Remember the quote used to describe Susannah? "She was the rock they broke themselves against?" Catherine is Heathcliff's rock. Only he keeps smashing his head on the rock for the duration of the novel. It's as Catherine quotes " I AM Heathcliff". Only it's never good to fall in love with yourself (just look at Narcissus) and so we have our little tale. Go with Heathcliff if you like, there's certainly enough evidence, but I'd still argue you need the pair to have a complete story and character development.
Connie Originally Answered: I love to read but I just cant read this book. what is the most important character in Wuthering Heights?
Wuthering Heights is a very good book. If you can't read that you'll never know what true love is. True love isn't always a happy thing...sometimes it is very dark, as Wuthering Heights shows. The most important character is a guy named John who always tells Catherine to read the Bible. No one who reads the book can understand a thing John says so you have to read the footnotes that translate it. PSYCH, John is a minor character. The main character is Mr. Lockwood, but that is not what you are asking. However, I will not answer your question. Good day.
Connie Originally Answered: I love to read but I just cant read this book. what is the most important character in Wuthering Heights?
Please attempt to read Wuthering Heights...for your own sake! Heathcliff is the most important character. This is debatable, but most agree that he asserts himself as protagonist. He is vile, vengeful and passionate, but evolves as the story comes to an end. The action revolves around his entrance into and reemergence into Wuthering Heights (and Thrushcross Grange) as a young orphan and a apathetic old man. He at first seeks revenge then solace in his 'unrequited' love. Read it! Heathcliff is a dirty ole scoundrel and his love interest Catherine is just as depraved as he . There are layers and narratives from some confusing perspectives, but If you only read it you will find that the themes and characters are archetypal and interesting!

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