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What are the rules in schools for dealing with students' divorced parents?

What are the rules in schools for dealing with students' divorced parents? Topic: Case student email
June 25, 2019 / By Fawn
Question: My son is 13 years old and his father has been in and out of his life since he was 5 years old. He has remarried, as have I. Now he and his wife are currently visiting sporadically because they drive and live in a tractor trailer; they visit when their loads take them near our town. My son has an IEP and has behavior problems for which he is currently seeing a counselor. I have been dealing with the school and have supports in place to help him with his behavior. Recently, while his father and stepmother were visiting, they requested to go with us to his counselling session. The counselor spoke with me and advised me on things I should talk to the principal of his school and teachers about; they were in the room with our son, myself and the counselor. The next day I received emails forwarded to me from the stepmother in which she contacted the principal and the teachers asking for the information and requesting it be sent to her. She stated in all her emails to them that during the counselling session she attended with us that the counselor told her she needed to get this information from them and requested it be emailed back at her email address. I contacted those she emailed and asked them to continue to deal with me and not her. Everyone contacted reassured me they would continue to have the same communication with me that we have had. The principal informed me that he could not withhold information from my son's father unless the father had given up his parental rights or I had a court order. I am not sure of whether I mind them giving information to him or not; he is his father, I just have a feeling this is a way to undermine my relationship with the school. The principal is not in contact with the father, just the stepmother. I have primary sole custody of my son and am not sure the custody order is what I need to turn in to the school but I plan to do this immediately, regardless. During this visit with my son, they have been undermining my relationship with my son and basically causing disruption and discord; there is not enough room here to go into the details. I am irritated at her underhanded methods of going behind my back and doing this. I have kept his father informed of everything I have done regarding our son. I don't like the way she has taken it upon herself to contact the school as if she and his father have been in our son's life consistently over the years. When they disappear, they do so completely and for years at a time; I am waiting for it to happen again, but in the meantime I am struggling to deal with this issue. I am unsure of what I need to do about this. Any advice would be appreciated.
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Best Answers: What are the rules in schools for dealing with students' divorced parents?

Corliss Corliss | 6 days ago
I feel for you Mother in that you are doing the best job possible. This is not about the adults - it is about ensuring that your son has every opportunity available to him to succeed and become a well-rounded, safe and productive student and young adult. I have been a part of so many IEP and MEP meetings with young people, their parent(s) and others that are heavily involved in the development process of the young person. Having sole custody, YOU have the right to advise the school from the top to the bottom of your instructions and desires. I have a student, very much in the same situation as you. The mother has custody and makes the rules plain and clear and they are written on every document and signed. You can have copies forwarded to your husband, if you like - this is your choice. You should also have some written document from the court to support you just in case. The school will and should only do what you ask them to do. In my case, the parent has restricted the ex from having any contact at all. We, (the teachers) must report if we see the father even so much as on the school grounds and she has court papers to back it up. Imagine how difficult that must be for us. Yet, we must keep our eyes and ears open on all accounts. I encourage you to continue to do the right thing and I pray that your son will progress in such as way that he will not have to continue in this path - however, be grateful this service is there. My prayers are with you and for your son.
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Corliss Originally Answered: I told my marine corps recruiter i saw a social worker when my parents divorced because my parents made me and?
Hello... HUH? It means nothing. You don't "have a file"... Your "file" in the Marines is your "personnel records jacket." It contains your security clearance form, your enlistment contract, and your promotion orders, and your duty assignments." Anything medical is contained in your "medical records" maintained at the hospital that services you - Naval medical facility. Marines don't have their own medical people. The Navy does all your medical stuff. Your medical records get added to when you are treated in a military medical facility. Social Worker? That's nothing with nothing. Don't worry. Semper Fi. Larry Smith Senior Master Sergeant, USAF (Ret.) First Sergeant P.S. You don't get to start over again with another recruiter. Answer his/her questions but don't go volunteering information on your own. You owe no one the "story of your life" and frankly they don't want to hear it either. Keep your mouth shut, Don't call attention to yourself, Do everything you are ordered to do without asking why or whining and complaining. If you can't do 10 pull ups on the recruiter's chinning bar, 50 pushups and 50 situps in the office then walk out and don't come back until you can do it. In the meantime... GO (that's an order) to amazon dot com and order a used copy of the "Guidebook for Marines" published by the Marine Corps Association (not the US Marine Corps because THEY will give you their copy free later on). YOU must learn and memorize all 450 pages of this book. You will be tested during basic training. BUT, do NOT let anyone know you have the book ahead of time OR you will be picked on to see what you REALLY DO KNOW. Learn the 11 General Orders of a Sentry first, then the Code of Conduct and then the Rule of War/Armed Conflict. Begin to DO the Daily 16 exercises which you will be doing for the rest of your life. Once you become a Marine you never cease to be a Marine. If you can not accept this - then - do not join up. Join the Navy.
Corliss Originally Answered: I told my marine corps recruiter i saw a social worker when my parents divorced because my parents made me and?
The problem is that it is now in the system. That info will not "follow" you in your career in the Corps. No one will ever really see it or even if they did, it wouldn't have an effect. Don't trip...changing recruiters won't help or change anything.

Bet Bet
My advice is similar to what you've already received. First of all, your son's stepmother has NO rights to information about your child whatsoever. I would ask your child's school politely to cease supplying HER with information and if they don't do so then make it clear to them that you consider this the same as if they had provided information about your child's IEP (very official and legal documents) to a stranger on the street. Second, I agree that if you have sole custody then you make all the decisions. You decide what information, if any, is shared with your child's father. I would provide them with a copy of the custody order. When I contact a student's parent for anything, I contact the parent the child lives with. Any other arrangements must be ok'd by the custodial parent.
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Agas Agas
I would offer you advice but to be honest you're already doing a great job. I know this is frustrating and hard for you but you've not only acting within your rights, you're doing it as a mature adult and that should be applauded. If you have sole custody of your child then his step-mother and father are not entitled to any information regarding academic situation. You've been more than generous by allowing them to accompany you to the counselor meeting and keeping them updated on his progress. If they're stepping over boundaries or making it more difficult for you to deal with the situation remind them that you are not obligated to give them anything. If anything you might want to consider having a talk with his step-mother and informing her of your feelings. Tell her you appreciate the support and the concern, but that their sporadic interest in your son's life is becoming more damaging then helpful. Your son doesn't need to well-meaning, but fair-weather parents, he needs a reliable source of support. Stay strong and don't let them get to you!
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Agas Originally Answered: If my parents get divorced?
If it goes to divorce court, the judge will decide. But children can speak before the judge and tell him or her what they want and why. The older the children are and the more mature they seem, the more likely it is that the judge will grant their wishes in whole or in part. Custody doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, one parent or the other. Many families go for full legal custody for both parents (each parent gets to be informed and to make decisions about the kids) and 50-50 physical custody: the kids spend equal amounts of time with each parent. This is more expensive, because each parent has to have enough bedroom space, and pay more in rent or property taxes for it, so there's more money going out that way and less for food, phone bills and cool clothes. But many people believe this is the preferred arrangement because the kids still have two parents, not a parent and an uncle. It looks like both your parents could do a good enough job raising you - your mom would keep you straight and focused, your dad would let you relax and, if you don't get too much in trouble, have some fun in life so it doesn't suck as much. This is what you and your sisters should ask for. Go to your library and get a copy of Watnik's book, and ask the librarian for something more recent too. Don't push it in your parents' faces, but if they find it by accident, maybe they'll chill down in the face of reality and work harder to stay together. And if they don't, you'll be able to do your homework and present a good case for the judge to keep both parents and one another for the three of you. You could write it, like a school essay or report, give the judge a copy for the record, and read it in court; or just paraphrase it and have it with you to fall back on. You're the oldest, and this is your job. Some time later, after you're done with this, read about domestic violence. Accusations of domestic violence are often made in family court; many of them false. You should know what domestic violence is and what it is not, so you can tell the court what really happens at home and what does not. Good luck.

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