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This is a TOEFL essay,which is written by me. Can anyone help me to correct this essay?(Thank you very much)?

This is a TOEFL essay,which is written by me. Can anyone help me to correct this essay?(Thank you very much)? Topic: University culture essays
June 20, 2019 / By Mckenzie
Question: In the modern society, it is a common phenomenon that a person move to a new city or a new country to continue his or her education or career. Some people worry that we will lose our old friends. From my perspective, however, I believe that the movement to a new place is a good thing. First of all, with the rapid development of high technology, we can still keep in tough with our old friends even if you are not in the same city. By using e-mail, we can send mails to our friends at any time. MSN, a well-known real-time software, makes it possible for us to converse with each other online. With the advent of Facebook and Twitter, we can share our photos and put our essays on the personal pages in order to make our old friends know what is going on and how I feel about when I live in another city or nation. Secondly, in another city or country, we have more opportunities to meet new friends from different backgrounds, which can contribute us to be accustomed to a totally new environment as soon as possible. From new friends, we will learn some of the local culture and languages and then we could form a new social circles. For example, my brother Kim moved to America to attend the New York University 3 years ago. At the begining of his education career, he worried that he could not accommdate the new environment because of the distinctive cultures. But then he gradually found there is no need to concern about this, owing to the fact that he made some new friends from different nations, which eradicate his loneliness. In addition, moving to a new place often means we will get higher salaries and degrees. For instance, as a student, the reason why we go to another city or country at such a young age is that we want to get more high-quality education there. As an white-collar, leaving our homes means that we have gotten high-paying jobs. For example, my father was a marketing department manager in an state-owned enterprise. However, 2 years ago, the outburst of the financial crisis brought disasters to the company. Then he get another job, which is paid higher than the previous one but he was obliged to go to Shanghai to work. Nowadays,he is a general manager of that company and, of course, my life has improved considerably. In a nutshell, having interactions with new friends, acquiring a higher salary or degree may drive us to move to a new city or country.Simultaneously, with the help of the new technology, we can still have contacts with our old friends.Therefore, it is a good thing to move to a new city or a new country.
Best Answer

Best Answers: This is a TOEFL essay,which is written by me. Can anyone help me to correct this essay?(Thank you very much)?

John John | 8 days ago
OK, I have simply corrected grammatical and vocabulary errors. and awkward turns of phrase. You have done well! In OUR modern society, it is a common phenomenon that a person moveS to a new city or a new country to continue his or her education or career. Some people worry about losing old friends. However, from my own perspective, I believe that MOVING to a new place is a good thing. First of all, with the rapid development of high technology, we can still keep in touCH with our old friends even if WE are not in the same city. By using e-mail, we can send mails to our friends at any time. MSN, a well-known real-time software, makes it possible for us to converse with each other on line. With the advent of Facebook and Twitter, we can share our photos or put MESSAGES on personal pages in order to INFORM our old friends of what is going on and LET THEM KNOW how WE feel when WE live in another city or nation. Secondly, in another city or country, we have more opportunities to meet new friends from different backgrounds, which can HELP US to GET accustomed to a totally new environment as soon as possible. From these new friends, we will learn some of the local culture and languages and THIS will ENABLE US to form new social circles. As an example, my brother Kim moved to America to attend New York University 3 years ago. At the beginning of his educationAL career, he worried that he could not ADAPT TO HIS new environment because of the distinctive cultures. But then he gradually found there WAS no need to BE concernED about this, owing to the fact that he made some new friends from different nations, which PUT AN END TO his loneliness. In addition, moving to a new place often means we will get higher salaries and degrees. For instance, as a student, the reason why we go to another city or country at such a young age is that we want to get A higher quality OF education there. As a white-collar WORKER, leaving our homes means that we WILL GET BETTER PAID jobs. For example, my father was a marketing department manager in an state-owned enterprise. However, 2 years ago, the outburst of the financial crisis brought disasters to the company. Then he gOt another job, which is paid higher than the previous one, but he was obliged to go to Shanghai to work. Nowadays, he is a general manager of that company and, of course, my life has improved considerably. In a nutshell, having interactions with new friends, acquiring a higher salary or degree may drive us to move to a new city or country. Simultaneously, with the help of new technologies, we can still have contacts with our old friends.Therefore, it is a good thing to move to a new city or a new country.
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John Originally Answered: Can anyone correct the following essay for me please?
I actually think it is fine but have redone it anyway see what you think. In order to create a positive learning environment the teacher and the administrator need to communicate with each other to manage the day-to-day activities in schools. The administrator needs to be able to: communicate responsibilities and roles more effectively by supervising and supporting the teachers, providing them with clear instructions and responsibilities, which will increase the efficiency of communication. To minimize confusion over what is expected of them in and out of the classroom and to help the schoolteachers work more effectively. Motivation of the teachers is also a big part of the administrator’s daily duties, giving them private and public rewards, praise and recognition. Involving them in major decision-making by talking with them in a way that facilitates openness, honesty and cooperation. In turn improving communication barriers with their teachers. The teachers should establish a good rapport and regular communication with the administrator and show creativity and hard work in their job. Good rapport is especially important when difficulties arise, without it conflicts between the teachers and the administrator can be destructive. Improved communication is necessary for school reform.
John Originally Answered: Can anyone correct the following essay for me please?
Your essay is quite good. Just add a few commas, where-ever necessary. You can add the following point in your essay: The administrators should make the teachers realize that, teaching students is not their main aim. Their main AIM is to create interest in the minds and hearts of students, for every particular subject. The teachers must not create fear in the minds of students. On the other hand, they must encourage and motivate the students. I hope you understand, what I mean. You can modify the language if you want to.

Grover Grover
It's now not impolite... how else will they recognise? People misspell my identify always, two N's now not a million. People ALWAYS mispronounce my final identify (that's a VERY average identify, c'mon, it is a French identify, we've got received no less than two pages within the mobilephone ebook) & additionally screw up my sister & bro's names too.
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Grover Originally Answered: Can someone correct my essay?
Firstly, you need an introduction instead of starting your essay off with, "Because..." Something similar to, "Revenge is nothing shy of ignorance, whether it be over a troubled past, an ex lover, or a stolen item, no matter what the case there is no right reason (logically or ethically) to take revenge on someone or something, for that matter...." This is not a perfect introduction, at all. But if you wouldn't mind sending me your full essay I could definitely help you with proper spelling, similes, and punctuation.
Grover Originally Answered: Can someone correct my essay?
Because revenge is to inflict punishment in return of a grievance- you might want to reword this cause in return of a grievance sounds weird. what do you mean by momentary gain? Elie Wiesel is spelled wrong. to them by a grudging master." (Orwell 24)- when you cite a quote put the period after the parenthesis, like this, "words blah blah" (Orwell 24). MORE EQUAL THEN OTHERS- more equal than others. I hope you get an A!

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