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PLEASE READ.need help?

PLEASE READ.need help? Topic: How to write a check with attention to someone
July 24, 2019 / By Rowina
Question: I'm writing a story and I want to know what you think of it it's just a part of it please tell me what you think, by the way it is a random part of the story: . I was sitting beside a girl with ginger hair and blue eyes. I leaned over to her, “Hi, what’s your name?” I asked her in a whisper. “I’m Lara, what’s your name?” obviously she hadn’t been listening to the teacher when she said what my name was, “I’m Luna” I said. “Wow, nice name. What does it mean?” I sighed. Not again. “I really don’t know” I lied; I really didn’t want to have to say it again. I decided I wasn’t going to pay any attention in Science, what good was it going to do me anyway? Plus, it was payback for the teacher saying I could choose where to sit even though there was only one place left. I went into a daydream about what the rest of the day would be like. Beep, Beep, Beep went the intercom telling us to go to our next class. Finally, I thought the class would never end. I checked my timetable, Home Economics next. “Do you know where the Home Ec. class is?” I asked Lara. She walked me to the class room but then told me that she didn’t have the same class as me “Thanks and bye” I called after her as she ran of so she wouldn’t be late for her next class. I walked into the room and looked around trying to find someone to be partners with. I saw one girl at the front of the class standing at a countertop by herself. She had dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes that made me want to melt. “Hi, I’m Luna. I just came to this school today” she looked up at me, smiled and looked down. “Hi” she said meekly, still looking at the tabletop. “What’s your name?” I looked at her trying to figure out what her name would be, she was taking a long time to answer. “I’m Faith” Still looking at the tabletop? How shy is this girl? Please tell me what you think or if there is any way i can improve it please tell me
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Best Answers: PLEASE READ.need help?

Nanette Nanette | 10 days ago
Its good, but it could be improved upon. I think that u should add a lot more description. Let me picture them. All that u told us about the appearances of the girls that she meets would be their hair and eye color. You didnt describe anything else. When you do this, it seems a bit like a list. You should add on to it. Wavy hair? strong, protruding jaw? delicate frame? choppy bangs? mismatched outfit? Make us picture them. Also, you haven't really shown us their surroundings. The way that she meets them are the same. She introduces herself twice and asks their name. Maybe you could make it differ a bit, make one of them meet after school or something. Maybe make it an accident, or one needs a pencil and asks Luna for one. Also, you only brushed their personalities. You haven't really built a solid character yet. Of course, i understand you will expand on this as the story goes on, but i believe that even now, we still don't get enough from them as people. I just have a vague idea of them, but its not enough. Try to incorporate some weird, unique quirks they might have, or traits and characteristics that help to define them. These are my main two problems. The main character tends to stray off sometimes in her mind. Even though this can make it more interesting, at some points, it gets a bit distracting. Those are the parts I had problems with. However, there were very good parts to it. The story, the plot i see so far in front of me interests me, i want to read more, to find out what happens with these three. I expect an interesting plot and conflicts arising in the future, and it makes me want to continue it. I like how the character talks in her mind to herself, like a real person would. It adds depth to her and puts the reader in her mind. It helps make a story more interesting. Overall, it's well written , it just has a few flaws that if corrected would make for a really good piece :D:D:D
👍 128 | 👎 10
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Nanette Originally Answered: Is it more difficult learning to read Chinese, or Japanese? Which language is the hardest to read?
Manadrin Chinese uses simplified Chinese, which is different than what Japan uses. Cantonese Chinese uses the same kind of kanji that Japan does. There are some differences, but it's mostly the same. Also, Chinese letters have the same reading every time, unlike how Kanji are read in Japanese. They're both pretty difficult and I'm not sure which is easier. Arabic or Thai are pretty hard languages to learn to read from what I hear.

Lori Lori
Its a little confusing. I thought luna was a girl. wait is he/she a girl? im assuming hes a guy. but yeah. its good yet you need to make it sound less complicate. I would of written it like this. I sat beside a girl with ginger hair and blue eyes. I leaned over to her, “Hi, what’s your name?” I asked her in a whisper. “I’m Lara, what’s your name?” obviously, she hadn’t been listening to the teacher, when she said what my name was, “I’m Luna” I said. “Wow, nice name. What does it mean?” I sighed. Not again. “I really don’t know” I lied; I really didn’t want to have to say it again. I decided I wasn’t going to pay any attention in Science, what good was it going to do me anyway? Plus, it was payback for the teacher saying I could choose where to sit even though I had only one choice. I went into a thought about what the rest of the day would be like. Beep! The loud siren that signaled the end of class rang. Finally, I thought the class would never end. I checked my timetable, Home Economics next. “Do you know where the Home Ec. class is?” I asked Lara. She walked me to the classroom but then told me that she didn’t have the same class as me. “Thanks and bye” I called after her as she ran before the bell rang. I walked into the room and looked around trying to find someone to be partners with. I saw one girl at the front of the class standing at a countertop by herself. She had dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes that made me want to melt. “Hi, I’m Luna. I just came to this school today” she looked up at me, smiled and looked down. “Hi” she said meekly, still looking at the tabletop. “What’s your name?” I looked at her trying to figure out what her name would be, she was taking a long time to answer. “I’m Faith” Still looking at the tabletop. How shy is this girl? Not much of a difference. I used spell check too.
👍 40 | 👎 8

Katey Katey
I liked it. I'm getting the idea she didn't want to say her name again because she's hispanic and she feels out of place. You made a point that Lara has ginger hair and blue eyes. So I'm guessing Luna is Hispanic. When she saw Faith she was happy because she thought she was another Latina. She confidently told Faith her name. But when Faith said her name Luna realized she was a white girl. And yet she was very shy. So maybe Luna is learning that her feelings of insecurity are shared by other races. This is what I got.
👍 31 | 👎 6

Helaine Helaine
It's a bit confusing. You should try to write with bigger words; a thesaurus would help. I see a couple of runon sentences. But I like the plot
👍 22 | 👎 4

Drew Drew
You have a talent but don't do things like 'beep beep beep' it's kind of amaturish. But besides a few little things it is very very good.
👍 13 | 👎 2

Caylin Caylin
you should make faith like a witch or something who can decide faith. just an idea... I need help w/ a story plot line if you want to help...
👍 4 | 👎 0

Anne-Marie Anne-Marie
it was pretty good. i would take out he part what talks about how luna melted at the other girls eyes.
👍 -5 | 👎 -2

Anne-Marie Originally Answered: Stuck in this negative spiral (long read but please read, i'm greatly in need of help)?
dude i totally feel u.... i dropped out of hs as a sophomore because i ****** up that yr because we moved cities nd i hung out with the fag nd nerdy group, so i had no reason to even wake up in the mourning... i did online **** for 1 yr nd it was a waste of time... ever since i moved out to where i live its been quite depressing, however i made it through 1st semester by thinking i could go back to other city if i take bus in the mourning or something.... however i obviously didnt do that, so i just dropped out.... then i got me ged jr yr to work a shitty *** job... but i always lived on knowing that i can nd will b a great person that will make a difference... ppl always have better things then u because if u didnt start out on top, u probably wont b.... anyways, my life currently sucks... i havent asked anyone to a date in yrs because i feel so bad about myself, i never hang out with ppl that respect me, im going to most likely b a complete failure nd waste of talent.... however that doesnt stop me from trying to improve my life because ive wailed in self pity for 2.5 yrs nd that hasnt gotten me anywhere..... to boost up self confidence i would advise volunteer work, then doing what u do best nd own it... then get a job, doesnt matter what as long as u have constant communication with ppl especially the opposite sex....then enroll in a community college for ur aa or whatever, or just take a class to communicate with ppl..... i put myself in this mess, so i have to dig myself out... the same goes for u man...

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