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What do you think of the start of my story and character names? i also need ideas for a title? would be good:)?

What do you think of the start of my story and character names? i also need ideas for a title? would be good:)? Topic: How to write a point of view in a story
June 17, 2019 / By Franklyn
Question: ive only written a bit but i know whats going to happen. Its written in Ashleys point of view but for this it isnt. 15 year old Ashley West and her older brother Jaidon (Jai) were orphaned when Ashley was only 11 years old. They live in a small town that has one BIG difference. Necromires. Super strong, flying monsters. Their leader, a bright red, curly haired woman changes humans molecular structure and transforms them into something different. Of course, their still human...sort of. Ashley and Jai were lucky enough to run into the mysterious leader while they walked around the streets. No home to go to. It all started when they took a turn down an alley. It was rather dark and the slight glaze from the moonlight was the only way of seeing what lurked in the shadows. They took small steps, not wanting to draw attention to how weak they were, when a sudden whoosing sound came from a short distance in front of them. They froze. Not wanting to even breathe. Then, out of a small patch of darkness to their left, walked a stunning figure. She had a small green diamond under her right eye, the mark of all necromires. Before Ashley could even take another breathe, Jai had dragged her out of the alley and into a stopped car that she didnt even notice. She looked back out the window and the figre was gone. Vanished. Now it was 4 years later. Jai was criticising her usual fashion dilemas and the smell of bacon sizzeling in the pan was lingering in the air. The familiar voice of Dye, their loving and over protective foster mother could be hear down stairs. Dye was the one who saved them from the necromire all those years ago. Even though it had been a long time Ashley still remembers it like it only just happened. I hope you like it :) theres a lot more but im just writing part of the first chapter. The characters in the book are: Ashey (Ash) West- 15 years old, long brown hair, blue eyes, her and her brother are close. Jaidon (Jai) West- 17 years old, brown hair, blue eyes, protective of his younger sister. Dyeana (Dye) Geraldton- 39 years old, short dark hair with a hint of grey, hazel eyes, loving and caring towards her foster children. Kayla Dean- 15 years old, medium lenght brown hair, green eyes, one of Ashleys best friends. Emily Rich- 15 years old, long black hair, brown eyes, another of Ashleys best friends. Ella Queens- 15 years old, dark coffee skin, dark hair, hazel eyes, yet another of Ashleys best friends. Riley Myers- 15 years old, long blonde hair, bright green eyes, stuck up personality, is jealous of Ashley. Chad Star- 17 years old, short black hair, brown eyes, adored by all the girls. Jack Green- 16 years old, red hair, dark green eyes, not a very important character, picks a fight with Jai. Max Smith- 15 years old, sandy blonde hair, brown eyes, romance between him and Ashley but not TO THE MAX. Simon Gleem- 18 years old, dark hair and eyes, kidnaps Ashley further on in the book. Daniel Lucas- 20 years old, light hair, hazel eyes, also kidnaps Ashley with Simon. Clarissa Mae- 130 years old but because shes a necromire she never ages and is only 29 years old, bright red curly hair, green eyes, leader of the necromires. There are more characters but they arent as important as these :) And if anyone has ideas for a title could you please help? im completely stuck with one! hope you like it xx im also open for changes!
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Best Answers: What do you think of the start of my story and character names? i also need ideas for a title? would be good:)?

Deandre Deandre | 9 days ago
hi, I do agree you seem to have a lot of charters that can be done but is a lot to keep up with from the readers point of view also yes you need to proof read your work and change some of your sentence structure As a wanna be writer myself i'm a sucker for detail so when they are walking down the ally beef it out more for example instead of... (It all started when they took a turn down an alley. It was rather dark and the slight glaze from the moonlight was the only way of seeing what lurked in the shadows. They took small steps, not wanting to draw attention to how weak they were) "the dark envelops them as their young human footsteps echo softy on the damp floor of this fatefull ally, that unknowing to them would change the course of their lives. The dappling moonlight is the only source of comfort they have all though it sends distorted shadows of ,if their imaginations allowed them, creatures crouched ready to pounce. The stench from the overflowing trash cans caused Ashley to retch and cover her mouth, as she turned her face away from the bins. The sound of a strong wind sweeped around them. They clung to each other not wanting to move, not wanting to make a sound." This is only a suggestion as i'm not a publish author. I actually really like what you have here and with a bit of tweaking it could be great keep writing and good luck xx
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We found more questions related to the topic: How to write a point of view in a story


Deandre Originally Answered: Good Character Names for my Story?
Naming a character based on their looks and personality is not character development. It's a waste of time. You should be looking to make your character realistic and believable, adding flaws, traits and other profile questions. They need to be a well-rounded character if anyone is going to like them. What personality did these characters have when they were born? You know, the time when names are usually given? Was girl number 2 a bookworm when she was born? No? How about girl number 3, was she smart? Born with a university degree, was she? Prioritise.
Deandre Originally Answered: Good Character Names for my Story?
Delilah-Girl1- Long sandy blonde hair, tan skin, bright blue eyes, mean, popular, rich. Florence(after her grandmother) but goes by Renee- Girl2- short red hair, green eyes, pale freckled skin, glasses, dorky, bookworm, smart. Jeannie-Girl3- Shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, pale&clear skin, rich, smart, happy, friendly. Rose-Girl4- Long shiny black hair, pale skin, grey/blue eyes, mysterious, quiet, lonely, outcast. Seth-Guy1- Blonde flippy hair, hazel eyes, tan skin, sweet, funny, cute. Jake-Guy2- Black hair, blue eyes, light skin, gamer. Teacup-Pet for Girl1- Teacup Yorkie, white, fluffy, young, clean.
Deandre Originally Answered: Good Character Names for my Story?
How about :- Girl 1- Claire Saunders Girl 2- Daphnie Morris Girl 3- Louisa Blackford Girl 4- Marina Sanchez Guy 1- Cole Waltham Guy 2- Bret Young Pet for Girl 1- Candy Hope I helped a little, good luck with your book!

Barry Barry
First of all, don't worry, I'm not going off at you for typos. Just remember to do a spell check before you send off the manuscript ;]. Okay, secondly, your sentences seem a little jumpy. You ARE allowed to use commas, you know. And colons, semi-colons, and these ---> - (I'm not sure what they're called). Eg. "They live in a small town which has one BIG difference. Necromires. Super strong, flying monsters" would become (in my opinion): "They lived in a small town that had a big difference to all the others; Necromires, who were extremely strong creatures that were capable of flight." I wont write it all out for you, but theres some help. You're allowed to enter words into Thesaurus.com, just make sure you know what the word means without needing a dictionary. Also, don't compare people to gods. It'll give you a bad reputation. Last word: don't have so many 15 y.o girls. who are Ashleys best friend. Cut it down to one and drag them along for the ride. Make the others just friends who have no idea whats going on *wink wink*. Goodluck, ~Scarlett
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Barry Originally Answered: What Are Some Good Girl And Boy Names For A Good Fantasy Story And A Title?
I'm currently doing the same thing right now..lol.. Name for Hot girls: Vanessa Casey Sabrina Mikayla Alexa Boys name: Jared Austin Kale Riley I can't really suggest for the title of the book since I barely don't have an idea of what u are writing..lol
Barry Originally Answered: What Are Some Good Girl And Boy Names For A Good Fantasy Story And A Title?
Girl Names: Jackie Ava Eva Charlotte Guy Names: Noah Jason Adam Mark As for the title, we don't have much to work off of. Maybe you can call the series 'The Buried Life', because he was buried in the casket?

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