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Read this poem i wrote? It's called Nothing To Break Your Fall?

Read this poem i wrote? It's called Nothing To Break Your Fall? Topic: How to write a poem about falling
June 17, 2019 / By Melyssa
Question: NOTHING TO BREAK YOUR FALL In life When you jump off the edge There is no mattress to break your fall There is no turning back Just the end you were seeking When you are gone, There is no pain or depression, But the darkness takes over Not a candle will bring you light Not a thing can make you bright You are tied down by the darkness, Unable to move and just lifeless There is no more you Nothing you can see You have died and you resent the fee can someone PLEASE help me fix the ending? i dont like the last line... well, the poem isnt upbeat, but the point of the poem is that so many people talk about how death is so much better than life and everything...but what if it isnt? what if death is worse because there is no light and you are tied down and is basically like you are alive, but trapped and cant move. bottom line, the point of this poem is that when you commit suicide, not knowing if death is better or not, you wont be able to escape the torture then. that is the whole point:that life may be better. (although i havent had any suicidal thoughts. i dont want to die.)
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Best Answers: Read this poem i wrote? It's called Nothing To Break Your Fall?

Lena Lena | 8 days ago
It's not very upbeat, but it's written well. I would change the line "Unable to move and just lifeless". It feels awkward to me. Maybe simply get rid of the word "just". It's usually a filler and I'm guilty of using it too. I do agree that the last line doesn't flow right. It's good, but it's slightly longer and making it break the flow. Maybe something like "Death comes with resent for the free" or did you really mean fee? either way, it kinda works. That's just my suggestion. Overall, well done!
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Lena Originally Answered: Poem help? i wrote and 8 line poem for my honors english?
I think it's pretty good. The biggest issue I have with it as you change person (I and You). Also spelling.
Lena Originally Answered: Poem help? i wrote and 8 line poem for my honors english?
She loves she cares my heart she bears: one who i turn to when my hart shatters into sparkling pieces her words pierce like an arrow when you're wrong yet at night when she tucks me in i can hear her say 'star shine, moon glow, you are all that i own' and i know shes my guardian angel, my mom
Lena Originally Answered: Poem help? i wrote and 8 line poem for my honors english?
You sound a lot like me (different than i on no account have any author's blocks... Ever,) try examining horror novels like Edgar A. Poe, Stephan King, watch a horror movie, a tragic song, or something to get you right into a temper of worry, or melancholy. Watch a WW2 component, or play a tragic video interest. Write a pair of monster, write a pair of harsh conflict time, a depressing bleak destiny, or some thing like that. Make the sector look gray or black or all white, do away with the excitement on your poems. the jap type of Haiku might impression you. could i propose a musical artist named "Voltaire?" He has stimulated a number of my writings. Or look at dark artwork. Lean what can set off off the fear, hatred, or melancholy in human beings. each physique has particular triggers besides the incontrovertible fact that. Like i discussed, Edgar A. Poe is a incredible poet to initiate on. yet his writing is somewhat tough to relish. you may placed across in memories of wars, or bullying, or a kinfolk member dieing, ghosts haunting a guy, torture, or despite else wish this helps

Jonna Jonna
what don't you like about the last line? i think it goes great with the poem it was very deep i like it alot
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Jonna Originally Answered: Hey what do you think of this poem it involves God and Love its called My Compassion?
For me it had a bit af of self shame , and a edge of need for the fathers approval. Remember now it's late and i'm sleepyso i will look when i can articulate more ok ! Focus and see into my eyes with a deliberate vision of it being so. As i let you in now through my eyes look for your answers and either way express the feelings you feel. There are many selfs in the world , yes many hats! Deep within all the way to our stomachs pit and iinside and at rest awaits all the stored feelings. And i feel all is not lost but very clear as this is a stepping stone for your life and will help you face up to yourself and just decide as you may by your feelings.
Jonna Originally Answered: Hey what do you think of this poem it involves God and Love its called My Compassion?
Makes a good rap song. I could hear it in my head. It was good & you have style. . Only thing I would possibly not agree with is not your style but that your would say do what you gotta do to live another day. Not really a christian thing. Thats a survival thing.

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