My wife's family is treating me unfairly, and I need help with my wife's reaction to it?
Topic: What is going on with the sister wives
May 25, 2019 / By Samuel Question:
My wife's family (her two sisters, mother and Mother's sister) ... do not talk to me unless pressed to do so. It all started when I was unable to attend a Baptism several months ago. At first, I did not even realize that they were "mad" until my mother-in-law came to the house to pick up something, and when I tried to say Hello and small talk ... she just grunted and ignored me.
Anyway, I went to my wife's sister's house yesterday (her daughter's first birthday party). I was late (I work until 6 - but this is not unusual at family events on Saturday's). When I walked in the door three of the four "subjects" were in the room ... I said hell to everyone, and all of them acted as if I wasn't there. The room was tiny, so there was no chance that I was not heard. These same people walked past me several times during the event, and they were obviously avoiding eye contact or any chance that they would have to speak to me.
After we left, I told my wife what had happened … she said “Maybe you misunderstood” (no chance), and then she said “I’m going to call all of them when we get home and have it out with them, because “I am not arguing with you about this anymore”.
I was floored … how about addressing it because they are hurting my feelings, are treating me unfairly, and if they continue, we just won’t participate in family functions until they grow up. That is what I would do.
Of course, say that to her was followed by a litany of everything any blood relative of mine did to her in the last 20 years. We have a somewhat distant relationship with my extended family, because of some of those incidents. If my parents, siblings, etc. don’t treat my wife and children with respect, I don’t need them.
She does not understand why I am upset with her. Any ideas how to explain it ? Am I wrong ?
Regarding the missed Baptism ... it was beyond my control ... I was not out drinking or something.
How I want to handle my inlaws is just to stay away from them. I would have rather skipped the party, but my brother-in-law is a good friend. In the future, I expect to just "skip" her family events.
Since the question has come up more than once ... I coach a competetive youth soccer team. We had a match during the "church" part of the baptism ... this is not a rec team ... if I did not attend, the team would have forfeited and the fines would have been around $700 plus I would have been suspended.
I intended to attend the lunceon that followed ... but my wife would not tell me when or where (she hates that I am a coach, but whatever), so she was "getting me back" by not telling me.
I called every cell that I had for people at the event, and I could not reach anyone. These people live an hour away, what was I supposed to do troll around a strange city looking for any sign of them ???
Best Answers: My wife's family is treating me unfairly, and I need help with my wife's reaction to it?
Nahum | 1 day ago
Uggg... that is just way too much drama for any one man to handle. I can not and will never understand why any grown adult would act that way toward somebody. Maybe this is why my husband and I don't have too many close friends. People are nuts! Your wife may feel hurt about what you said to her about her family. Perhaps she doesn't want to admit that they really are the people you described, especially if they are a close knit family. If it were my husband I'll bet he'd just kill them with kindness. If it were me, I wouldn't go back. I'm not at all into animosity, drama, or confrontation.
👍 110 | 👎 1
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Originally Answered: I have to write my own version of "I Want A Wife" by Judy Brady. I was told to replace wife with something relevant to me. How?
I think bully and grandmother are excellent suggestions.
They do things for you that are not the things a wife does (household chores), but they give you other things:
• Bully: Courage, protection, self-importance
• Grandmother: Love, acceptance, cookies, an ally against your parents, "cheerleader," giving affirmations, booster, thinks you're smart and good looking
Here are a couple more:
• Robot: Homework help, chores, science projects
• Dog: Companionship, unconditional love and acceptance, running and chasing things with you
• Huck Finn friend: Daredevil companion, explorer, adventures, rules-breaker
• Boyfriend/girlfriend: Companion, admirer, love, dates, showing off, thinks you're funny and smart, and good looking
• Space alien: Space travel and adventures, futuristic technology
• Superhero: Fighting off bad guys, protecting the weak
A lot of these give you overlapping things:
Companionship, love, affection, new ideas and things, stuff you don't have right now, stuff that doesn't even exist yet, practical help, expertise, adventure, emotional acceptance, thinks highly of you, sees all your virtues and strengths but none of your faults ...
I suggest that you get all the 4 subjects + your wife to sit down together and have a serious talk about your feeling. It sounds to me that your wife isn't treating you very good either. You said all this started because you didn't attend a Baptism. But this is your guess right? It doesn't hurt to ask them straight. Ask them "what is the problem?", "what did i do wrong?", "is it something that i said?". Confront them. Talk to them. It looks like you are not getting along with the "women" only. Maybe that's something to think about. Well, the bottom line is, anything happens for a reason. It's not the time to argue who's right or wrong. As long as they are your in-laws, you need to find a way to get along. By the way, if missing the Baptism was really the reason, then please don't try to explain to/argue with them why you couldn't go (if you haven't already done so). With the way that they had treated you, I'm sure it's no use to reason with them. Just admit that it was your fault and you would never do it again. You're not being a chicken by doing so. Just buy yourself some peace for the time being. At least you know what would trigger them and you can avoid it next time. It's actually a smarter way to get along with this kind of people.
👍 40 | 👎 -2
that's stressful to choose how people spend money. If somebody looked on the way you and your bf spend money, could there be something they might say? i'm going to guess there could be a tremendous number of 'Do you quite need that?' and 'Why did you purchase that?' comments. i think of elevating a baby is complicated adequate with the two mothers and fathers interior the homestead. whilst they are chop up up, the fees for each little thing double. As you will locate, his daughter has a bike at your place. properly, she has a bike at homestead, too. those are the flaws that comprise an ex and a baby, once you are the recent woman in his existence. you're extra appropriate off being cooperative extremely than conflicting. money is a common subject yet there'll be extra difficult themes, probably, as time is going on. The extra you will get alongside with the ex, the extra appropriate. Frankly, i do no longer think of $250 a month is all that plenty. i are conscious of it appears that evidently like plenty yet once you have been experiencing elevating a baby on your individual (he does get the youngster 0.5-time as you assert yet mom sounds like homestead base for that reason), you will in all probability ask for extra additionally. definite, it is your business enterprise. however the way you handle that's going to impact your courting for years yet to come again so it particularly is on your earnings to tread intently.
👍 40 | 👎 -5
You are not wrong family issues can get messy and it is good you would side with your wife but others are very dependent on their family especially those from dysfunctional ones - they like to make drama and want to make you a part of that drama. I say ignore them back you dont need to cut your wife off from them she may feel you are being controlling but just walk in smile say hello and then go do something else in the house away from them. This makes you the bigger person dont play into their game your wife will have to choose for herself Im afraid she may get sick of their drama after awhile.
👍 40 | 👎 -8
I guess the leading question should be '"Why couldn't you attend the baptisim, work, golf, etc." If you couldn't come because a prior commitment, and your wife knew about this, and she was ok with you not attending, then why care what they think. I myself would go to the family events if 1. I wanted to go. 2. My wife wanted me to attend.
I would go, and not talk to the people that are so short sighted, and I would tell your wife, that you don't attend your family events because of the disrespect shown to her, but that it would be up to her if she wanted to give the same respect to you. Life is to short to let people ruin my day, because they want to control me. Family is great, but they don't have the right to tell you when to come and go. If you didn't go to work, you would be a bum, so no matter what you do, it will never be right.
👍 40 | 👎 -11
Originally Answered: Should I leave my wife? I married my wife when we were living together and I think I made a mistake 3 yrs ltr?
She is apparently still depressed, And needs to see a therapist, If you can not convince her to see one, I don't see much help for your marriage. You certainly have tried your best, maybe it is time to move on, I know how hard this is for you, But this relationship isn't fair to you or her. Have you asked her if she loves you? Do you love her? You know your daughter will soon feel things aren't right with your marriage when she gets older kids are very smart, And wouldn't a happy home be better for her too? Living like this is only going to make your feelings turn bitter toward your wife. You have alot to think about, Good Luck.I wish I could really help you.