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Could someone read this and tell me what they think?

Could someone read this and tell me what they think? Topic: How to write a narrative essay on yourself
July 23, 2019 / By Dymphna
Question: My Father’s Old Residence The topic that I chose for my Personal Narrative is the portion of my family’s fairly recent trip to Idaho. It takes place in Yakima. Normally, we wouldn’t have gone this way, but we thought it would be nice to go through the town my father lived in from when he was fifteen to eighteen. My family hadn’t been there since he took us there about eleven years ago. I (being about one or two) and my brother (at the age of about three or four) were to young to remember it though. We started to think about what it would be like, thus filling the air in the SUV with guesses. I half expected it to be somewhat like Seattle, consisting mainly of tall apartment buildings and large stores. At that time, my guess was as reasonable as the next. It ended up being right, to an extent, that is. It started out looking more like a town you could drive through in seconds, but then shifted into a more populated area. We got there as the sun was getting close to horizon, giving the city a nice a nice dusk light. The first place we stopped was a local shell station, which wasn’t exactly big, but it could fill up three cars at a time. After the gasoline station we stopped at the city’s Wells Fargo bank. Then we started to look for my dad’s old house. We drove from North Yakima to South Yakima, then back north until we found Thirteenth Street. It felt like and hour of driving around (to me), although it actually was only about twenty minuets though. Once we got to the house I was able to get a good look at it. It was the fifth house down on the left side. The main color of the house was an off white with black trim. The house was a two story; I guessed that it probably had about five rooms downstairs, and three upstairs. It had a driveway big enough for three good size sedans, a good-sized yard, and a hedge that looked to be four or five feet tall. One of my favorite things about it was a plum tree in a corner of the back yard, it looked pleasant. After a few moments of admiration, a car came up behind us; my father waved his hand, motioning them to pass. After he didn’t move, my dad drove a few feet, moving more to the side of the road. Then the car started moving, not past us, but into the driveway. The man got out of his Pontiac. He was Mexican, about 5’6’’, fairly skinny, probably about twenty years old. He had short black hair-cut. My dad then told him that he used to live there and was just taking a look. The man asked, with a slight accent, if we wanted to take a look around, my dad declined. I assume because it was already an awkward scenario and he didn’t want it to get any more awkward. After we were done talking with him, we started down the dead end and turned around, briefly stopped and caught a couple pictures, and then left. At the end of the road (facing the highway), we only had to wait a second until a gap formed in the traffic that we could fill. As we left my father told us stories about him and his friends. He related how when he was young they used to go swimming in the canals and ATV riding on the oversized hills around the outskirts, how he and two of his friends were able to test out a few motorcycles. It was weird to hear about how he and his friends lived, compared to my generation. Before, I never really put a whole lot of thought into what other kids and teens did for fun in other generations and/or cities. As we left, we saw a many fields for farming, all of them being occupied by vegetables. It seemed that they weren’t quite ready for harvesting, but they were getting close. With the sun starting to descend upon the farthest hills in sight, we started to leave the great town of Yakima towards the coast, to yet again, start waiting for out next visit to that beautiful town. (This is a 7th grade personal narrative essay)
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Best Answers: Could someone read this and tell me what they think?

Cedar Cedar | 10 days ago
Whenever you start to feel like you're typing like a robot, loosen up. It's OK to be colloquial from time to time. I'm sorry, but I got a little bored reading this. Express yourself; write things YOU would say. I'm sure you aren't boring in real life, and there's no reason to turn into a boring person when you write. It's technically fine as it is, but it could use a tinge of humanity, especially since it's not an essay or anything, just a narrative. Somewhere to start might be to try to get us to feel what you were feeling at certain moments by making the images biased to your point of view(don't do this by saying 'I was happy, I was sad' though, that would be bad, haha).
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We found more questions related to the topic: How to write a narrative essay on yourself


Cedar Originally Answered: Is it more difficult learning to read Chinese, or Japanese? Which language is the hardest to read?
Manadrin Chinese uses simplified Chinese, which is different than what Japan uses. Cantonese Chinese uses the same kind of kanji that Japan does. There are some differences, but it's mostly the same. Also, Chinese letters have the same reading every time, unlike how Kanji are read in Japanese. They're both pretty difficult and I'm not sure which is easier. Arabic or Thai are pretty hard languages to learn to read from what I hear.
Cedar Originally Answered: Is it more difficult learning to read Chinese, or Japanese? Which language is the hardest to read?
adding to fakeuserid51: Charaters of Cantonese Chinese (Traditional Chinese writing system) or Mandarin Chinese (Simplified Chinese writing system) would be read the same, but put into different context would mean differently. eg 女 to generalise female is pronounced as neui in Cantonese or nu in Mandarin, and will always be read as such even if it's combined with another character to make a new word eg 女孩 pronounced as 'neui hai' in Cantonese or 'nu hai' in Mandarin, and the meaning is 'girl'. In Japanese the 女 on its own is 'onna' (same meaning to Chinese), but with other characters eg 女子(joshi - means girl) the 女 is 'jo'; 女神 (megami - means goddess) the character is 'me'; 女人(nyonin - means woman but is not widely used) the character is 'nyo' My first language is English, second being Cantonese Chinese and almost third is Japanese (not quite fluent yet ^^") I found Japanese a lot easier to learn than Chinese, and sadly to say I enjoyed it more than learning Chinese that I'm now actually rather rubbish at it compared to when I was a kid XD The Japanese alphabet was easy to take on and the pronounciation was easy to grasp. In my mom's words 'Japanese requires less tongue-rolling than Chinese' lol As soon as you read out the romaji, without any knowledge of Japanese, you're nearly there at pronouncing like a native, but when it comes to reading the pinyin (romanisation of Mandarin Chinese) you'd be far from it if you don't know how to pronounce q or x or z. Same for Cantonese Chinese. Mandarin is more popular among the Chinese dialects, so if you were to learn Chinese then learn that, but learn the Traditional writing system as most Chinese natives can read it even if they do speak Mandarin.

Annie Annie
I felt as if I was in the vehicle with you guys. A good friend of mine lives in Yakima. I worked in Yakima for two and a half months, and mainly the Yakima Indian Reservation. I also worked in Toppenish, and I think Sunnyvale. I was there in the summer of 1999, and it was real hot. I thought I would see a lot of trees, but Yakima it's kind of like a desert. This is a very nice narrative, you kept me interested, I liked that you give detailed information, and I think that keeps the reader wanting to read more. Thank you for sharing.
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Xzavier Xzavier
This a pretty good essay. The only thing is this..."It felt like and hour of driving around...minuets though." I don't know if this was a typo but just to make sure..it's not and its an, and you spelled minute wrong. Another thing, you should take out the "though" at the end of the sentence, its not needed. Good Essay! (:
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Xzavier Originally Answered: Stuck in this negative spiral (long read but please read, i'm greatly in need of help)?
dude i totally feel u.... i dropped out of hs as a sophomore because i ****** up that yr because we moved cities nd i hung out with the fag nd nerdy group, so i had no reason to even wake up in the mourning... i did online **** for 1 yr nd it was a waste of time... ever since i moved out to where i live its been quite depressing, however i made it through 1st semester by thinking i could go back to other city if i take bus in the mourning or something.... however i obviously didnt do that, so i just dropped out.... then i got me ged jr yr to work a shitty *** job... but i always lived on knowing that i can nd will b a great person that will make a difference... ppl always have better things then u because if u didnt start out on top, u probably wont b.... anyways, my life currently sucks... i havent asked anyone to a date in yrs because i feel so bad about myself, i never hang out with ppl that respect me, im going to most likely b a complete failure nd waste of talent.... however that doesnt stop me from trying to improve my life because ive wailed in self pity for 2.5 yrs nd that hasnt gotten me anywhere..... to boost up self confidence i would advise volunteer work, then doing what u do best nd own it... then get a job, doesnt matter what as long as u have constant communication with ppl especially the opposite sex....then enroll in a community college for ur aa or whatever, or just take a class to communicate with ppl..... i put myself in this mess, so i have to dig myself out... the same goes for u man...

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