Please Read My Story! It's Good! (i think)?

Please Read My Story! It's Good! (i think)? Topic: English a level coursework
July 21, 2019 / By Augusta
Question: I'm 16. It's for my english a level coursework. Which bits can i improve. I'm not too sure about the ending. “Why don’t you just leave him Liz? Why?” This question had wracked my brains for so long it was driving me to insanity. The thought of leaving him gave me a sense of salvation and absolute elation. However, it also scared me. It scared me to a point where if I thought about it long enough my heart would palpitate and I would break down in to a small, pathetic heap on the floor. I didn’t think it could be possible to love and hate someone as much as my Paul. I starved for his affection even though he was a vile, obnoxious man. I felt nothing but pure hatred for myself for tolerating his thuggish behavior. Then I would look in to his eyes and for a moment catch a glimpse of my soul mate, a man so gentle and warm, he softened me like clay in his controlling hands. But the illusion shattered to pieces and I was beyond optimism and hope. I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop hoping because it hurts too much to hold on anymore He was sat at the breakfast table tapping his fingers impatiently on the glass surface whilst I ironed his shirts. He’d had a hard day at work and wanted a confrontation. I was cautious and didn’t want to look at him directly in those empty eyes. The silence was unbearable. “How was work Paul?” I said casually “All the effort I put in and what for, nothing. Not even a thank you” he cried out in rage, not answering my question. “I don’t understand. You didn’t get the promotion?” I asked trying to look busy over my ironing. I was genuinely puzzled. Paul had been working himself to the ground for the few previous months to make sure the promotion would be his. His jaw tightened as he gazed at me in what seemed like utter disbelief to the reasonable question I just asked. His eyes as sharp as stone pierced me in the chest and my heart started to pound uncontrollably in panic. “No, I didn’t you stupid cow. And you know what? It’s your entire fault, for holding me back all this time. I could be somebody right now, making my fortune’ He pushed his chair back and slammed his hands on the table. His face was crimson as he charged towards where I was stood behind the ironing board. I froze. “Please, please don’t get angry Paul. I was just asking. I didn’t want to upset you; I know you’ve been working hard lately. Forgive me” I pleaded. He was close now and I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned towards me. “You think you’re so innocent don’t you Liz? I know your game, you’re in on this.” He whispered in my ear as if someone else was listening. His eyes shifted from me to the iron as he spoke. And mine darted around the room looking for my escape. I spoke quickly before he could do anything. I’m not in on anything. I just want to help, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.” My voice trembled as I tried to hold back my tears of weakness. Making an exit towards the door he grabbed my arm and pinned me against the wall. He punched me in the mouth with such force I felt my front tooth crack. He twisted my wrist until the bone snapped. I let out a whimper. He had that nasty smirk on his face. The pain was excruciating, I had to do something. Without giving myself time to think I kicked him with all my might in the shins, he dropped to the ground cursing. I felt a burst of adrenaline through my veins, I had never hurt Paul before, and it felt good. “You are dead” He yelped in-between cries of pain. My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I reached for the scolding iron, his mouth widened in horror as he realized what I was about to do and before he could get up off the ground to stop me the iron made contact with his face. I sat on top of him like a lion claiming its prey. He screamed as the scolding metal melted through his skin. The burning aroma of flesh lingered it smelt foul. Taking a deep breath I yanked away the iron leaving me to stare at the ruthless wound that now defaced him. I watched for a moment as he twitched on the cold tiled floor then made my way upstairs to the bedroom and locked myself away from the world. I lay alone in the dark for hours until they came for me.
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Best Answers: Please Read My Story! It's Good! (i think)?

Abbigael Abbigael | 10 days ago
I'm not sure if you've ever broken a wrist before, but it doesn't hurt like that. When I broke my wrist, it went completely numb. The feeling is hard to describe, but it wasn't hurting, searing pain like falling on the concrete. It hurt a little, but I couldn't feel the true pain until at least 15-20 mins after the incident. Also I'm trying to grasp the idea of pinning someone against the wall by grabbing an arm. You didn't say exactly where he grabbed. It could have been near the wrist; in that case I don't see how you would get pinned with the guy using one arm. I believe someone would get pinned 'better' if he grabbed her shirt near her neck or grabbed a shoulder and slammed her to the wall.
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Abbigael Originally Answered: Please Read My Story. I need someone with GOOD advice , please.?
why do you even care about your weight? is it guys? you want them to fancy you? confidence is what attracts ppl, not how thin they are. you're 16, still growing, if you don't eat enough of the right stuff your body will start eating itself and you will have serious health problems later on in life, like pain, trust me, you don't want to be chronically ill, that just messes up your life. if you want to be trim, drink a glass of water BEFORE your meal so you don't gorge on more food than you need and don't feel hungry and also drink with your food, but not sugary fizzy drinks - that stuff has glucose syrup which promotes development of diabetes and actually makes you crave more sugary stuff that has glucose syrup in it. They also put it into all processed cakes and pastries so don't eat that. It WILL make you balloon and make you feel sluggish and tired and will slow down your learning ability and memory. If you are trying to control your food intake because you lack control over your life then find someone neutral you can talk about what's bothering you. And get yourself a hobby that you really like - it will help you fill the gaping hole that worrying about food fills up at the moment. also, take some online tests for autistic spectrum disorder because girls with Asperger's for example, are 5 times more likely to suffer from eating disorders to calm their anxieties. It's a subconscious thing, But worth checking to find out if you are autistic then you can learn strategies to cope with stress and anxiety. When I was between the ages of 15 and 20 I could not look people in the eye, I was so self-conscious, it was painful to look at ppl. That's a sign of autism but because I'm high functioning (top grades at school, but not in all subjects though, some - nearly failed) - nobody ever though I could be autistic, but I am, diagnosed as an adult. I too had eating disorder signs. Its a natural way for autistic girls to cope. I had other things, too, but prefer not to discuss it here, don't want to give any other girls any bad ideas, in case they do it to - NOT a good way to cope. Thank god I don't do it any more, we do grow out of stuff like that. good luck!
Abbigael Originally Answered: Please Read My Story. I need someone with GOOD advice , please.?
Let me say, if you're 100 lbs, you are definitely not fat. I should know, I'm 14, 5'6, and 130lbs. I think about it all the time. I don't go the the beach anymore, I'm too embarrassed. I think I'm the fat one here. Don't let your attitude get you down, God made you perfect the way you are. You are perfectly healthy. At least you're not like the so-skinny-but-unhealthy people.
Abbigael Originally Answered: Please Read My Story. I need someone with GOOD advice , please.?
ITS so unhappy to hear ur tale!! Warning to women is becareful earlier than settling on ur BFrind or Life companion!! Coming in your factor he most likely betrayed you!! If you desire to give up the harm triggered instantly reduce your profession quickly and return in your Husband House. As you have already got a child i feel your dating will regain once more along with your husband!! Mean at the same time speak to his Girl Friend and check out to persuade her, if she doesnt pay attention have a talk along with her mom and dad!! May be it's bigger to position a phrase in your Father in legislation or Mother in legislation relying at the difficulty, however remembet this would even irritate your relation!! Immediate Action : You will have to be to your hubbys apartment now not someplace!! Most of the guyz love to hav ..., Since it used to be now not to be had your hubbys attitude has modified!! Be cool this difficulty have got to be dealt with with endurance, dont slip your tongue!! If you feel it alright to forgive him, then you'll placed one hundred% efforts to make the relation!! Hope this is helping!!

Abbigael Originally Answered: Would you read my story?
You are very talented! I enjoyed this a lot...my only problem would be (like everyone else was saying) that the romance went too fast. It kinda makes you wonder, because he would fall for her so fast, if he didn't just go around telling girls what they want to hear. But really, you have a great style and I love this work. Don't tell anyone, but it was the first thing I've read on Yahoo! that I REALLY liked! ;) Please finish it and find a way to post the rest...I want to read it really bad! Add me to your contacts or something ,whatever you have to, so that I can see it when it's finished!
Abbigael Originally Answered: Would you read my story?
I hope that you dont mind but i would like to expand on the origins of the story a little; Its a nice story written by the deobandi i.e wahabbi, salafi people in the UK funded through Saudi and taught from Saudi Imams, i know them well as a group, here is thier beliefs on other things: All women should wear niqab and wear black, this is nothing perscribed by Islam All women should stay home and not work outside of the home (hence why i was called to be with the wife of a sheikh when she was so sick in the hospital because she was 28 years old and never had been around a male other than husband or father so she didnt know how to deal with the male doctor who was trying to save her and her babies life) There is no Tasawwuf (Information concering the traditional Islamic science of self-improvement and spirituality) its pushing a fear Allah SWT agenda, Its not Islam to fear, its Islam to love. If it was up to these people there would be no Sayyida Zaynab mosque and Egypts version and understanding of Islam would be very different, praise be to Allah swt that there will always be people in Egypt and the rest of the world that will be against this ideology. Please anyone dont misunderstand what im saying, im not saying that Islamic dawah is not a great concept and action but the kind of Ideology and the impact of that on any society and people is what needs to be measured. I personally wouldnt like to live in a world run by the Saudi- wahabbi agenda of Islam. Allah knows best
Abbigael Originally Answered: Would you read my story?
Your a great writer for only 13 I enjoy the way you write and the story line is so sweet the only critisism I have is that the whole romance seemed to happen too fast...like I liked the part when they felt they were kissing whle she saved him but he regained conscienceness and he wasn't even effected by whatever he was being saved from and the hospital scene seems a little much too its just my opinion but I think the romance should happen more subtile and slower keep writing id love to hear more :)

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