How do I deal with a gender identity problem? I look very masculine yet I don't like being seen that way.?

How do I deal with a gender identity problem? I look very masculine yet I don't like being seen that way.? Topic: Case super m parts
July 16, 2019 / By Avalona
Question: I have a major issue with my looks. I'm 6'3", broad shouldered, around 235, and bald. Most people don't understand why I hate this, and I rarely tell them the real reason. I hate how I look because it's entirely masculine. I hate that I'm taller than most people, I resent the fact that I started losing my hair at age 17, and that while I'm not in super shape, it's not uncommon for someone (often just some panhandler buttering me up for money) to ask if I played football or call me "Big man". In my darker times, I refer to myself as being "ugly" although I know it's not true....I'm just the opposite of what I want to be. I'm posting pics just to show the contrast between who I am and who I wish I could be. http://s385.photobucket.com/albums/oo296/curseofdolkite/ My GI problem is not a sexual issue...I don't desire to have female organs and I'm heterosexual. I admit that in a perfect world, I'd rather be female. However, that's obviously not going to happen, so I'm willing (like it matters) to compromise if I could just not be seen as an overtly masculine guy, I'm just frustrated because I know there is no way I'm ever going to be seen as anything but a masculine guy, the opposite of what I want. I could even deal with being male if I wasn't so overtly masculine and the (few) women I attracted weren't looking for the sort of big, strong, protective "manly man" type. I know they didn't realize how their comments affected me, but hearing a female say things like "I love how small I feel next to you" were heartbreaking for me because I took it the way a female would....most females don't want to be seen as big and burly. I'm really at a loss here. I mean, I care about how I look and yet I'm unmotivated even to get in shape and do the best I can with what I've been given because I don't want to seem like I actively am striving to fulfill that big tough bald bouncer type image that's so popular with men now. Anyway, I don't know if this answer is going to inspire a lot of rude comments or if anyone will even have anything meaningful to say beyond token responses like "Get therapy" or "Stop caring what you look like". Also, PLEASE read my question. Some people click on the link to my pic and then write "What's the big deal, you're not ugly" or "Lots of girls dig big guys". My question is not "Am I good looking?", it's how do I cope with having a body that's the exact opposite of what I wish I could be. The last two girls I dated were 6'5" and 6'2". It backfired....both were overjoyed to find a guy big enough to overpower them and make them seem not so big, and both of them wanted a guy to dominate them even more than when I dated girls who were less than five feet tall.
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Best Answers: How do I deal with a gender identity problem? I look very masculine yet I don't like being seen that way.?

Abelia Abelia | 1 day ago
Well, short of a rigorous program designed to reduce your bulk while not imperiling your life, physical augmentation may be the only answer. Mind you, such a radical solution will probably only be able to treat LOCALIZED areas and not your overall look. As a result you may end up looking like someone with slightly smaller parts cobbled together onto a larger than average body. Then there's the brain transplant procedure, of course, but as far as I know that's still in the experimental stages and has a couple bugs to work out. It sounds like you have an issue similar to gender dysphoria in which one's mind is not properly aligned with one's physical sex, only in your case your mind is not properly aligned with your overall body. While I'm sure this is not the first time the world has seen this issue, I doubt it's common. Have you found others who feel the same way you do? How did they deal with it? Why do you shy away from the masculine stereotype? How do you feel when you look at other men who fit the masculine stereotype? I'm not implying you're gay but am interested in how you view other men, OBJECTIVELY, about their physical being? Do you find you're critical of other masculine men in the same way you're critical of yourself, or is it OK if THEY look that way but not for YOU to look that way? How would you feel about dating a woman that was totally indifferent to your appearance? Odd as this sounds you're obsessed about your appearance but in the opposite way in which most people are. You are who you are but there does seem to be something kind of amiss. Have you spoken to a professional or sought psychological counseling? Obviously, they will not be able to wave a magic wand and give you the foreshortened body of Michael Phelps but perhaps they can get you thinking in a different direction and make living within your body a little more tolerable. Good luck.
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Abelia Originally Answered: Is homosexuality a mental disorder, and is you think not, why is it still listed as a gender identity disorder?
i have many many mental health issues. i am a lesbian... but that is not one of my issues. the thing about being a homosexual is... many other people see it as a disease/illness. it's okay to be gay. the only difference between hetero and homo sexuals (besides the spelling)... is that one is attracted to the same sex... while the other is attracted to the opp sex. no big deal.
Abelia Originally Answered: Is homosexuality a mental disorder, and is you think not, why is it still listed as a gender identity disorder?
I'm not sure about homosexuality as still a mental disorder but I do know for a fact that gender identity disorder is in the DSM IV. First of all, homosexuality and gender identity are two very different matters. One might think they are the same but one is same-sex attraction whilst the other is gender identity (whether one believe he/she is male/female). One reason pro-trans groups have voted to keep GID in the DSM is so that it may be consider a health issue and would qualify for insurance coverage for those wishing for an SRS, sex re-assignment surgery. By the way, how does this matter relate to receiving AIDS or not? While Dr. R. Spitzer was one of the leaders in removing homosexuality as a mental illness from the DSM III, he is also noted in several researches done after that mentions how he sees that some people are able to change their sexual orientations.

Steve Steve
Although it might sound hard, tell people when you meet them (especially if you are pursuing a relationship), that you wish you were different. As much as I would tell you to appreciate what you have, I understand that you want to be different, or more want to be accepted differently. So when you find a girl, tell her that looks are deceiving. Popularity in looks is NOT what the genuine women look for. You might think so, but in reality, all we want is a guy who is confident. You should care about your appearance, and you should also be happy. I'm sorry that you have a hang-up about how you're formed; I think that you must have a reason why you don't like how you are. When you figure that out, then you can work on it. I'm not gonna write paragraphs, so if you want a detailed, informal chat - email me.
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Page Page
I'm sorry you're uneasy about this. I know it probably doesn't help, but we all come in different shapes and sizes. Although the physical appearance is what people see first, you have ample opportunity to be the petite caring and delicate individual you are inside. The girls who assume you are some big burly man's man probably aren't giving you the chance to show who you really are and therefore aren't worth the time of trying to prove you're not. Just be yourself and although it may be hard, learn to love yourself for who you are. As far as exercising goes, you don't have to go to the gym and lift massive weights etc., but maybe some laps in the pool, a brisk pace on a treadmill or around your neighborhood, or pilates which stretches your muscles while toning them so you don't look bulky may help. But most importantly just love yourself and the peole around you and you'll eventually attract the girls you're looking for.
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Page Originally Answered: If I am having a problem with people imposing gender bias on me instead of getting to know me for me, how do I cope?
i hate that too. Especially when it is women acting as if they are holding the hatchet and have the right to knight a man and make him whom he is. Men don't question women like that. We except them for whom they are. Flaws and all!! But the truth is you aren't a white sheet of paper. We are men cause we are. it's biology. Women didn't invent men so much as they are just carrying the load.

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