Topic: How to write a rock song chorus
May 20, 2019 / By Bailie Question:
I've written tons of songs in the past - but this is one that I like a lot. Think of it as a post-hardcore rock song. Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10. And please be honest. I'm willing to take constructive criticism!
"Your Kiss Is the Poison I Want"
Can you see the empty bottle, that once held the stuff I need?
Can you hear the burning throttle, the very love that makes me internally bleed?
My heart is red and largely swollen, from all the pain you gave to me,
I’ll tell you now that I enjoy it, a swirling pattern around the one who bleeds.
This is the way it should stay,
We will die together until the day.
Can’t you see its killing me? I don’t know why you stay put.
The poison flows yet I don’t know, This is exactly what I want.
Tell me now, do you care?
If so, how? I can bear it.
Can’t you see the way I follow? You laugh it off, and so do I,
With all the smoke and broken bottles, this kind of pleasure is hard to find.
It’s about time we found why, this love is gonna crash,
The way you laugh, the way that I cry, pretty soon there’s a giant slash.
This is the way we can stand,
Both together until the end – of our lives.
All the time you say you love me, I have to believe it,
I don’t question how you’re so damn pretty,
Tear down this sinking ship.
All that we can save is in our hearts,
But when they’re diced and shattered,
Our lives will fall apart.
(If you like it, say so! If not, share your honest opinion, just don't be mean.) Thanks!
Adallina | 1 day ago
It's a little hardcore for me, but that's from a weakling girl. I like it, though. I'll give it a 9.
You might do larger, comprise extra becoming phrases in it, phrases that make feel, like "Telling me im now not by myself, while you whisper to me in a heavenly tone..." rather of "Flowers shoot up from the cobblestones You advised me softly in a heavenly tone" do not particularly make feel izzen it, despite the fact that love itself does now not make feel. Well performed, guy, for a 12 years historic, you might do a lot larger than this, im certain , simply supply yourself time to develop up, and you'll recognize the sensation of affection.