Would this attract you as an opening to a novel?
Topic: Love heart writing paper
May 22, 2019 / By Brogan Question:
I've written the first three chapters so far, but I know how important the beginning is as it needs to grasp the reader's attention from the get go. The following piece is the first section in chapter one of my novel. Enjoy!
This is not a fairytale. This is a tragedy.
Chapter One: Under my bed.
The last of Summer lingered in the room, ripened to a potent apricot glow. It spilled across the floor and almost looked slippery as it did, digging into the small lanes made by a dragged out chair and crop circles from hardened coke stains sinking into the carpet. The room distilled the juices of a late, chilly Summer day, being squeezed from the lowering sun for what was left of it. By dusk it will have been bled dry.
She lay on her stomach with her head tilted to the side, her back warm as it lay directly under the window. The California Beach perfume sticking to her skin began to glisten and thaw, her shirt ridden so far up that most of her lower back was exposed. With her fingers stretched towards the bedside table, they slipped out of the bubble of warmth she was in and dipped into the shadow cast by the curtain above. She lay on the bed, inhaling and exhaling quietly, and mourned. By now, everyone had slipped out of their summer skins and thrown them across the backs of chairs. Soon they would blend in to the rest of the room and its decor, a constant inconvenience to those with cluttered lives the following three seasons. Some throw them away along with the freckles peeled from their shoulders, but buy new ones for the new year. They never felt the same, though; no memories to cuddle your waist and make you feel thin. The electric hum of a TV left on standby filled the air as she waited. Her converse were tucked neatly to the bottom right hand side of her bed, and she was so conscious of this that it felt like an extra limb to her. Sand hid inside them, as did a folded piece of paper in the left shoe, drawn on it a heart in the corner and filled in by a black marker pen that still had its heady scent. It didn't feel like she was dying. It felt like she was waiting for someone to come and save her.
A ghostly chuckle entered the room, making her sleepy eyes widen.
The bus juddered, bringing Aerosol back into the present.
So, what do you think? I am honestly looking for ideas on this. I hope you oblige me. I appreciate 'I loved it' 'I didn't like it' comments but it would be great if I could know the specific things you liked or thought I could do better.
Also, and overall rating out of ten would be simple enough as to whether you would read on from this. One being 'not so much' and ten being *cash register pinging*. Thank you!
Best Answers: Would this attract you as an opening to a novel?
Alison | 9 days ago
As an avid reader, unfortunately this would not draw me in. The descriptions are good but too lengthy - I love descriptive writing but something about this seems slightly forced, like you're really trying to paint a too intricate picture.
👍 226 | 👎 9
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Originally Answered: How do you attract a Taurus man?
Do not attempt to rush into a relationship with Taurus. They are very patient and expect you to be so too. Make them laugh, if they are amused and entertained by you, they will enjoy being with you. The way to a Taurus' heart is through their stomachs. Cook for them or offer to take them to a fine upscale restaurant. Taurus enjoy talking about finance, business, money and material possessions.
It may be hard for you to get his attention at first because you are so much more subtle than he is. It’s like a butterfly trying to catch the eye of a bull. But once you do register on his radar, it will be pretty easy to draw him out because he is a straight forward no game playing individual. You might ask him to help you with something practical, such as how to put a stop payment on a check or maintain the proper air pressure in your tires. He’ll enjoy being useful and appreciate being thought of as someone who knows how the world works.
I don't think i might gain knowledge of it as it is at this time written. Sorry, however the description is with no trouble too flowery and excessive. At the same time i haven't any main issue together with your heroine demise, i don't wish to respect so early within the story. Like several writers have to do, it's time to rewrite!!
👍 90 | 👎 5
I don't think I would read it as it is currently written. Sorry, but the description is just too flowery and over the top.
While I have no problem with your heroine dying, I don't want to know so early in the story.
Like all writers must do, it is time to rewrite!!
👍 82 | 👎 1
No offense, but the first two sentences would cause me to put the book straight back on the shelf. As well as giving away how the story ends, I would avoid your book because I loathe sad/tragic endings.
👍 74 | 👎 -3
It would depend on the genre and length of the novel. It would have to very long to justify so much description, and probably a fantasy book to attract people willing to read that level of writing
👍 66 | 👎 -7
Originally Answered: What plants attract the most pests?
Stressed, crowded, or weak plants attract the most pests and have the most diseases. Pests key in on weak plants, because healthy plants synthesize chemicals to deter their munching.
Plant several cabbage or broccoli seedlings in an 8-10" pot. After they sprout, remove all but 2-3 seedlings. Give them plenty of water at first, then stress them by not watering, and watch the aphids and cabbage whites gather.