Topic: How to write a check for change only
May 26, 2019 / By Clara Question:
I really wanna know ANYTHING you can comment on. I changed the grammar so that's okay. But anything else?
Danel walked into my room. I peeked at him from under the cocoon of my covers, he looked mad. Ready to explode, well... what else could I expect. Danel walked over to me and chucked a hand under my chin and held my face up so I was forced to look into his eyes. He looked, I can't explain what he looked like, angry for one, that's apparent. But there was most definitely something else, betrayal?
No. Not betrayal, not from me, it was my choice to tell him, mine and mine alone. And excuse me if I didn't want him to know.
" Who?" when he spoke it was only a whisper, but I've been in silence so long it might as well have been a roar. I just stared at him, the muscle in his jaw was jumping, he was so tense. But that didn't matter any more because I couldn't see it , my eyes were blurring up. Was I crying? I hadn't noticed.
" Who?" He asked again but this time it was a roar, his voice was raw. Not hiding anything. I let myself indulge, wondering, how good it must feel to be so raw, not to have to hide your emotions all the time. Lucky Danel. I supposed I'd have to answer him sooner or later. With him, if he wanted to find out it, he would.
" I-It wa-," I was surprised by how puny my own voice was, especially compared to Danel's but I was down right shocked to find my throat stinging and the tears coming down in torrents. It really wasn't like me to cry over something like this. I've taken worse, much worse.
This isn't going to be easy, is it? I asked my self. But of course it wouldn't be. Nothing is for people like me.
" I-It was the, guards. Henry's people, I think. I don't know their names. I promise I don't."
" I'll have them punished for this." Daniel had this look in his eyes, a look of hatered, not for me of course but for the men who had dared hurt me. As if by punishing them he can undo the damage they've done. Silly Danel, no one can undo this. And no matter how powerful nor how much he loves me Daniel cannot stop people for hating me. Loathing me. But I know good and well by punished he probably means killed. He'll try, if he could he'd have every one who attacked me killed , but it would be far more easy to lock my in a box. Away from the world. I slowly moved his hand from under my chin.
" No. Danel, don't. They didn't know.None of them do, besides I'm not hurt, not that badly. There is no reason to start this."
" Not hurt that badly?"
Quick as a whip, he lashed out and grabbed my arm. The left one. The one that had been damaged two nights ago, when I was attacked by two guards. But that was only one of the places they had hurt me, my ribs were bruised, but I'm pretty sure the cut they made in the back of my head wasn't visible through my hair. And it'd stopped bleeding.
" You call this not hurt badly?" I looked impassively down at my arm. Gruesome? yes.
The worst I've had to deal with? I wish.
But I winced anyway, not just to make Danel let go, but because it really did hurt. His grip on my wrist was a little too tight, for a wounded arm. But I suppose the prospect of him hurting me made him forget-for now- about the guards, my arm, the whole bloody conversation we were just having because his face melted into and apology.
" I'm sorry Nava. Really I am." He sighed. "Look let's talk about this tomorrow, Helen gave you the right herbs to take for the pain? How about lets get you to bed, it's been, a ... difficult day. For everyone. I'll go and talk to Henry a bit about seeing if he can get Remi another room. and I'll be back to check in on you later."
I smiled. Could it truly be, sleep? I let myself sink back into my cocoon. Nice and warm. That's it.
" Good night Danel."
He was nearly to the door, he turned and smiled back a good night to me as well.
Barb | 4 days ago
Did you mean prologue? A preface is usually the author (or another writer writing about the author) in their own words. Keep in mind, prologues as beginnings are frowned upon these days because it's like giving a story two beginnings. The only time I ever see them is in fantasy and even then, they are dying out. Consider starting with Chapter one.
That said, I do apologize but at the moment this doesn't completely grab me. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad at and I do like that you start with tension between the two characters. Definitely keep that, but I would highly recommend having the conversation happen somewhere besides bed. There are two reasons - first, starting a story with a character in bed (usually waking up) has become rather cliche. Even not waking up, they sound ready to go to sleep which kind of puts me in a sleepy mood if that makes sense. Second, it feels a bit like walking into the middle of a conversation. I gather he thinks she's cheating? It makes me wonder why he thinks that.
For instance, you could start with her sneaking into the house later than expected. Actually as I read on I realize somebody hurt her, so do get to that sooner. Describe the pain she's in right away - there's your hook. Then I wonder what kind of relationship she has with Danel if he's lashing out and grabbing her arm. Obviously not a loving one and that makes me dislike him intensely. If she's already hurt and he cared, he would treat her with kindness. Then he's sorry, so perhaps he's bipolar? Her saying a mild goodnight and not getting upset with that? Hmm. most girls would.
Not a bad start, just a little more developing I think. Good luck with it!
what you are describing could be referred to as the prologue. a preface is is extra just like the creator honestly form of getting ready the reader for the content material that the booklet supplies, while a prologue is an precise scene of the tale itself that comes earlier than the precise tale starts. while a few authors positioned a brief poem in entrance, it is almost always a sort of foreshadowing, like a tiny peephole that offers the reader a glimpse into the variety of problem that could come up for the duration of the tale. and approximately placing the forged within the establishing, that is quite as much as you, however i for my part suppose it is cooler while you do not know what form of characters to anticipate, while the whole lot simply looks because the tale progresses. however that is your name. well good fortune!
Your Story is THE BEST, your preface is kind of like Suzanne Collin's, well i am 14 years old and i wrote a book. Its on Amazon.com, you can order it online and i have an official website!1