Does this sound like depression? If so, how can I get help?
Topic: Home school connection homework
June 17, 2019 / By Clarabella Question:
Wow I need to rant...
A good deal of my issues I guess come from my family. I don't particularly hate my family, but I don't think I'm treated equally. I'm the middle child, and I've actually looked in to Middle Child Syndrome. My childhood revolved entirely around my older brother and younger sister. I would have to spend most of my free time at the park watching my brother play baseball when I was little. My dad was the coach and I never got to spend any sort of father-son time with him. If I wasn't at the park, I was out with my mom at the dance studio she works at. My sister has been taking lessons for as long as I can remember, and I would have to spend hours just sitting in the lobby, waiting for her to finish.
I've always felt very distant from my parents. They each have their own special connection with each of my siblings, and I've never found my particular niche in my family. The only thing I had when I was little was piano lessons, and they only came for my recitals (once a year). I also had to start staying home by myself when I was 8. Currently, I'm the most involved of the three. I make the best grades, do the most activities, excell in the most things, don't get into trouble. But no matter what I do, I never feel like I completely have their attention. My siblings also get away with a lot more than I do. I won't go too much into detail, other than they both do pretty crappy in school, have a lot of friends, they can talk back to my parents without getting into trouble, have the least amount of chores... Thankfully, my brother's at college (sorta). He still lives with us, but he's never around. My sister, however, is now receiving full attention. Currently I'm a senior in high school and after I graduate I'm moving 8 hours away to go to college, so this is really it for me. I always imagined that senior year would be "my year" and I could receive all the praise and attention my brother got his senior year. Wrong. My sister is a freshman and apparantly that's more of an acheivement. She's also incredibly spoiled. She's getting a brand new car sometime within a year (she got to drive more than I ever did, even before she got her permit) and my brother got a sports car to get to and from college (my dad's barely used sports car). I have to take my brother's old 97 Civic to college and pay for my own car somehow if this one breaks down. They also expect me to somehow miraculously get a full scholarship and eventually pay for medical school myself. Yippee for me.
The other main factor is my low self-esteem. I'm very underweight and I hit puberty incredibly late (when I turned 16). I wasn't even 5 ft tall in middle school and weighed nowhere near 100 lbs, so naturally I was bullied A LOT. I was teased and threatened and degraded and humiliated on a daily basis. I hated middle school. People also have been spreading rumors about me over the last few years that I was gay. Not true; I don't lie to myself. Besides, labels are stupid. I still have things thrown at me in the hallways and face constant ridicule because I still don't pose any sort of threat physically.
I've also been facing a lot of the symptoms of depression. I'm recently become an insomniac. It takes hours for me to fall asleep. Even if I do get a full night's rest, I feel incredibly tired all day. I don't enjoy doing much any more. I can't draw like I used to, I don't like practicing music like I used to. Everything seems kind of pointless. I don't have the urge to overacheive like I did. I don't have much free time anymore and it's interferring with my studying and my homework. I feel like I'm just trapped in a horrible situation I won't ever get out of because my parents won't listen to me when I try to bring this up. My mom has never believed me when I tell her I'm sick. She makes up her own excuses. Once I had the stomach flu for 3 days and puked 4 times in a row. When I asked if I could go to the doctor she said "no! You're faking it! You're only doing this because you broke up with your girlfriend" 1) I was happy to break up with that bat-**** crazy ***** 2) I broke up with her 2 months before I was sick.
Sorry if this is too long. I needed to vent.
Best Answers: Does this sound like depression? If so, how can I get help?
Barbary | 5 days ago
I feel for you man, when things are getting bad know that they will get better. You seem to have some symptoms of depression, but I wouldnt say it is full blown depression. Just keep your head up and know that better days are coming.
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Originally Answered: Does this sound like a text-book case of depression?
It hurts me inside to read this- especially the bit about how much it hurts to see others happy and that you feel you'll never have that kind of happiness again. But you will! Yes you sound very depressed, lonely and in need of help.
If treatment isn't an option- and this is a shame because it sounds like you'd benefit from an antidepressant- I guess you could get some books from the library on depression. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is a popular method to help you change your thoughts in a positive way. I personally think it's benefits are limited, but still good. The problem with CBT is that it's very difficult to derive any meaningful benefit from it when you are already depressed.
Meditation- Zen teachings- staying in the now, the moment that is now can be helpful. Sit still, eyes open, stare at the wall or whatever and try to clear your mind. Tons of thoughts will cascade down your brain and you just need to stay present, label each on for what it is (forgot to go to the dmv, this meditation stuff is hard, Jimmie pissed me off last night, whatever) just say it to yourself in your head so you label it and then say "thinking". Just acknowledge that you are thinking that thought and let it go. If it goes that's great and on to the next thought. If it comes back, that's fine and normal- say "thinking" again to yourself. This is a very difficult and rewarding thing to do and to stay with. You can learn a ton about yourself and the world we live in through meditating.
There is a wonderful abbess of a Nova Scotia Zen Monastery. Her name is Pema Chodron. She has written books that can be very helpful. The best thing though, in my opinion, is a 2 CD set called Getting Unstuck. It is a series of lectures she gives on meditation. Just hearing hear calm, wise and humorous voice gave me comfort. She doesn't offer solutions for our worst problems, but does give us methods to improve our lives and to live a better more meaningful life. If you can't afford to buy the CD, check for it at the library.
I think you chose the wrong parents. They should not neglect you as they do. When your mother won't let you see a DR. with your symptoms that is criminal. It is not right of them to ignore you and give all attention to the others. We have 3 children and yes, the middle one is different. But 'different' does not mean 'bad'. If I had to make a choice I would prefer my middle son.
So much for sympathy which does not help you.
If your parents won't take notice when you do well you should ask them how any children they have and how many they want to educate. If your mother won't let you see a Dr go anyway and have him send the bill. Be self assured and go your own way whether it suits them or not.
Why do you allow yourself to be bullied? Underweight and height are NOT an excuse!!! It is not the size of the dog in the fight, it is the size of the fight in the dog that counts. Somebody hassles you hit him straight in the face. I am talking from experience because I was underweight and looked like a bookworm which I am. But I never allowed myself to be bullied. I was in school for 3 days when a bloke hassled me so I took of my wooden clog and I was just ready to brain him when the Headmaster came along and stopped me. I did not get punished, did not even get a warning. Once the bullies know that you won't take it bullying will stop. Even a strong bloke gets fed up with fighting every day when it does not go his way. Plus you get good experience.
Your parents will hear about this and because they are not used to getting trouble from you they will start to take you serious after a couple of times.
If you don't get your fair share take it.
You will find this becomes fun and give you a good feeling because you have achieved what you wanted.
Don't think about the consequences. None can be as bad as suicide.
Nemo me impune lacessit.
Go man GO!!!
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Take some time to read every post in the mental health section. Everyone is going through the same thing. Its not depression, its teenage life. Everyone hates their family, everyone gets bulled, everyone is down 70% of their day. Its just tough to be young these days. Also, if you read everyone elses posts, they all swear their depressed or insomniacs or some kind of mental illness. Truthfully, these problems have been butchered to hell. Clinical insomniacs as well as clinical depression cases are far worse. Not just being sad and crying, but being unable to feel any emotions, ever. Suicide isn't just a thought, its a process for them. Insomniacs get 2-3hrs of sleep per week, and are close to death because so.
Stress is just tearing you apart and you need to find a way to break away from it. You can't do and don't feel like doing much because your burned out. You need to finish out this semester than take a brake from school, and go on vacation. Don't worry about anything and just relax. No matter how much sleep you get you wont ever feel good until your set straight mentally. Sure you could do therapy but they wont listen to you, just give you meds to mask your pain.
👍 86 | 👎 -3
oh my god. i feel really sorry for you. i'm the middle child also, but i have it no where near as bad. have you tried talking to your parents? ha ha. i'm sorry i don't know. anyway, it may be slight depression. just think, there may be some one out there who has it worse. just a thought. and always look at the positive things.
i hope this helped. i'm sorry if it didn't.
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Originally Answered: I might have depression?
First, see a professional. It sounds like a genetic illness that runs in your family.
Second, get a diagnosis and medicine to help you with your moods. They can ask the right questions and get you back on track. You can't get a diagnosis by internet.
Third, try to accomplish something. Anything. This is part of where we get our self-esteem.
Fourth, medicines are wonderful, they work very fast usually, and get you over the rough spots.
You could be bipolar, have Major Depression, Dysphoria, a Mood Disorder or something else. Wouldn't you like to know and start attacking the problem ? There's no need to be miserable.
Lastly, find a hobby or leisure to "turn you on" .This adds zest to life. I hope this helps!