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Should I stop being the nice guy, to get a girlfriend?

Should I stop being the nice guy, to get a girlfriend? Topic: How to write a happy birthday on facebook
June 27, 2019 / By Colene
Question: I don't understand this! I'm a nice guy and I treat everyone with manners and respect. I've never had a girlfriend every before. Maybe I'm too nice and I need to treat girls like crap too? Like there's this girl I know who I've liked for quite a while, but haven't really told her just because she's got a boyfriend. Well, this boyfriend of hers treats her like garbage, no joke! He's never there for her and never does anything for her. He also blew her off when she did all this stuff for his birthday, and she was apparently angry about it and saying how she was done with him. The very next day, there's a Facebook post about how much she loves her boyfriend and all that nonsense. I just don't understand! It's not like I go around saying "I'M A NICE GUY" I just am naturally nice to everyone!
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Best Answers: Should I stop being the nice guy, to get a girlfriend?

Benjamina Benjamina | 1 day ago
Take it from a person who has been through a similar situation: If you change who you are simply to get others to like you - you will feel hurt in your soul. Look, when I was a freshman in high school - I wanted to change my regular image of shy, fat, acne, nerdy Indian kid into a suave, bad boy, alpha male of the party type. So during the first week of school - I did just that by flirting with girls, being mean and teasing girls - in a very sexual way - and being the guy who is "mature" and drinks alcohol. Well, I realized that all of the people around me who were attracted to this new persona I created were shallow and insecure. I could have hooked up with some girls who were willing to have sex - but they were willing only because they were insecure in themselves and wanted validation and to feel loved physically - just like me. "We don't attract what we desire, we attract who we are." I started realizing that I couldn't keep us my fake persona anymore - it was attracting idiots, other fakes, and just mean-spirited and greedy people - because that's the energy I was putting out. I was turning into my own worst enemy simply out of insecurity. So I decided to stop and just be myself. It took a little time and I found friends who vibed better with me - quiet, reflective, studious types. I also met a girl with similar qualities and we just clicked so well (but I was too shy to ask her out and she was shy too). But my "other friends" were all arrested for smoking and drinking at a party. A lot of them ended up skipping school and just having a really rough time. Others just stayed shallow and mean-spirited and that was their own hell. So I just went back to being a nice guy and I'm a happier man for it - a lot less drama and a lot more peace. So be grateful for being yourself. As Joseph Campbell said: "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again." There's no point in changing yourself for girls or the world - you should be the man you wish to be not to please others or get girls but to fulfill your own purpose, sense of integrity, and happiness. Here's the thing I notice about "nice guys" - they always say nice things and listen to girls. But when the girl leaves - they complain about the girl and are just generally cynical about women. The "nice guys" - the stereotypical ones I know - are not confident in themselves or assertive/strong in who they are. They like when girls give them attention but then they never escalate. They treat girls like objects and put them on a pedestal believing her to be some angel who can do no wrong. This is not a good thing to do for two reasons. One, by rating her above you - you are making yourself feel nervous and inadequate to date her. Two, by putting her on a pedestal, you are confining her to a cage of expectations instead of really seeing her as a human person and learning about her - the good and the bad. So when she dates someone else - they whine about how they need to be a bad boy, have more money, have a car, have a bigger penis, blah, blah, blah. Excuses. I am very guilty of making excuses back in the day. Well guess what son - THIS IS YOUR LIFE - YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE - do not make excuses and do not accept excuses. So in regards to your situation, I think this girl is only saying that she loves her boyfriend but her feelings are conflicted. Girls will say many different things that we can't take literally because they are more expressive of emotions with their language and less blunt than us men are. She may indeed love her boyfriend but she may also be writing the FB post to keep up appearances and make herself believe that she loves her boyfriend when she really doesn't (take this advice with a grain of salt). So here's what I would do - you tell her to her face that her boyfriend is a jerk and that you like her and would treat her better (look into her left eye as you do this). At the same time, tell her that you don't feel bad for her since she did choose her situation and that you hope she finds some sense. And then distance yourself from her. She may leave your boyfriend for you - she may not. The purpose of this is to express your feelings, be assertive, and let go of her. The more you focus on her, the more desperate and inadequate you will feel and that's not good. Remember, you must feel confident and assertive at all times. Still, some things are a blessing in disguise. I was friendzoned by a chick who had a boyfriend. I always thought we would be perfect together but she didn't want to date me after the breakup. Yeah, it sucks feeling rejected but - the more we talked - the more I realized that even though we're good friends - our life values just do not mesh well together and this would have stopped any relationship of ours from being smooth. I realized that I would have been unhappy if I was with her and I was grateful for the friendzone - it saved me when I was too foolish in "puppy love" to see the truth. As cliche as it sounds, just focus on being the best version of you that you can be and you will meet a great girl when the time is right. I didn't believe it but it happened to me. Love moves in mysterious ways but when I chose the path of self-development - I met some really cool, single girls who were interested. So let go of this girl, let go of the jealousy, insecurity, and pettiness - let go of every painful emotions you have - they are holding you back - just meditate and breath it out of your body (I started doing that a few days ago and it's working). And focus on self-development - don't give up on nice guy traits like being a gentleman, having compassion, or being a good listener - the world needs these things - but we also need you to be confident, assertive, strong-willed and grounded in your core values, and just happy and trusting of yourself. When you're older you'll understand that a lot of those bad moments were blessings in disguise and good things come when you have absolute confidence and trust in who you are - not by changing who you are for girls. That's just tacky. Confidence, assertiveness (as in actually asking her out on a date), being strong-willed in your values (as in not changing yourself for a girl), being very knowledgeable about who you are, having a strong sense of passion and purpose, and also having a great sense of humor will all help you on your path. http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/09/28... http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/07/07...
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Benjamina Originally Answered: Should I stop being the nice guy, to get a girlfriend?
Take it from a person who has been through a similar situation: If you change who you are simply to get others to like you - you will feel hurt in your soul. Look, when I was a freshman in high school - I wanted to change my regular image of shy, fat, acne, nerdy Indian kid into a suave, bad boy, alpha male of the party type. So during the first week of school - I did just that by flirting with girls, being mean and teasing girls - in a very sexual way - and being the guy who is "mature" and drinks alcohol. Well, I realized that all of the people around me who were attracted to this new persona I created were shallow and insecure. I could have hooked up with some girls who were willing to have sex - but they were willing only because they were insecure in themselves and wanted validation and to feel loved physically - just like me. "We don't attract what we desire, we attract who we are." I started realizing that I couldn't keep us my fake persona anymore - it was attracting idiots, other fakes, and just mean-spirited and greedy people - because that's the energy I was putting out. I was turning into my own worst enemy simply out of insecurity. So I decided to stop and just be myself. It took a little time and I found friends who vibed better with me - quiet, reflective, studious types. I also met a girl with similar qualities and we just clicked so well (but I was too shy to ask her out and she was shy too). But my "other friends" were all arrested for smoking and drinking at a party. A lot of them ended up skipping school and just having a really rough time. Others just stayed shallow and mean-spirited and that was their own hell. So I just went back to being a nice guy and I'm a happier man for it - a lot less drama and a lot more peace. So be grateful for being yourself. As Joseph Campbell said: "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again." There's no point in changing yourself for girls or the world - you should be the man you wish to be not to please others or get girls but to fulfill your own purpose, sense of integrity, and happiness. Here's the thing I notice about "nice guys" - they always say nice things and listen to girls. But when the girl leaves - they complain about the girl and are just generally cynical about women. The "nice guys" - the stereotypical ones I know - are not confident in themselves or assertive/strong in who they are. They like when girls give them attention but then they never escalate. They treat girls like objects and put them on a pedestal believing her to be some angel who can do no wrong. This is not a good thing to do for two reasons. One, by rating her above you - you are making yourself feel nervous and inadequate to date her. Two, by putting her on a pedestal, you are confining her to a cage of expectations instead of really seeing her as a human person and learning about her - the good and the bad. So when she dates someone else - they whine about how they need to be a bad boy, have more money, have a car, have a bigger penis, blah, blah, blah. Excuses. I am very guilty of making excuses back in the day. Well guess what son - THIS IS YOUR LIFE - YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE - do not make excuses and do not accept excuses. So in regards to your situation, I think this girl is only saying that she loves her boyfriend but her feelings are conflicted. Girls will say many different things that we can't take literally because they are more expressive of emotions with their language and less blunt than us men are. She may indeed love her boyfriend but she may also be writing the FB post to keep up appearances and make herself believe that she loves her boyfriend when she really doesn't (take this advice with a grain of salt). So here's what I would do - you tell her to her face that her boyfriend is a jerk and that you like her and would treat her better (look into her left eye as you do this). At the same time, tell her that you don't feel bad for her since she did choose her situation and that you hope she finds some sense. And then distance yourself from her. She may leave your boyfriend for you - she may not. The purpose of this is to express your feelings, be assertive, and let go of her. The more you focus on her, the more desperate and inadequate you will feel and that's not good. Remember, you must feel confident and assertive at all times. Still, some things are a blessing in disguise. I was friendzoned by a chick who had a boyfriend. I always thought we would be perfect together but she didn't want to date me after the breakup. Yeah, it sucks feeling rejected but - the more we talked - the more I realized that even though we're good friends - our life values just do not mesh well together and this would have stopped any relationship of ours from being smooth. I realized that I would have been unhappy if I was with her and I was grateful for the friendzone - it saved me when I was too foolish in "puppy love" to see the truth. As cliche as it sounds, just focus on being the best version of you that you can be and you will meet a great girl when the time is right. I didn't believe it but it happened to me. Love moves in mysterious ways but when I chose the path of self-development - I met some really cool, single girls who were interested. So let go of this girl, let go of the jealousy, insecurity, and pettiness - let go of every painful emotions you have - they are holding you back - just meditate and breath it out of your body (I started doing that a few days ago and it's working). And focus on self-development - don't give up on nice guy traits like being a gentleman, having compassion, or being a good listener - the world needs these things - but we also need you to be confident, assertive, strong-willed and grounded in your core values, and just happy and trusting of yourself. When you're older you'll understand that a lot of those bad moments were blessings in disguise and good things come when you have absolute confidence and trust in who you are - not by changing who you are for girls. That's just tacky. Confidence, assertiveness (as in actually asking her out on a date), being strong-willed in your values (as in not changing yourself for a girl), being very knowledgeable about who you are, having a strong sense of passion and purpose, and also having a great sense of humor will all help you on your path. http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/09/28... http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/07/07...

Adriannah Adriannah
People posting here do not understand how it all falls back to looks. A guy that isn't handsome will never be generally accepted by cute women. Very, very rarely if he is nice to one, he might find one accepting. If this same guy tries a "bad boy" approach, insta-fail. He will be labeled as a 'creep" right off the bat. However, if a handsome guy treats women like dirt, then he will still be accepted by almost all of them. He will never usually be thought of as a creep until perhaps much later in a relationship, after he's worn down the woman. This is the double standard that women do to men. Nice non-handsome guys are treated like **** by women. Handsome guys that are jerks are given a gold carpet that leads straight to the vagina. Samuel Morlenheim Male Loneliness Syndrome Research Institute https://twitter.com/Morlenheim
👍 120 | 👎 -3

Thaddeus Thaddeus
whoever had the longest reponse is right. Do not change who you are so others will like you. I didn't read how old are you, but if you stay like this until you hit your mid 20's or early 30's, women will BE BEGGING for a nice guy. Seems like to me that the girls you're aiming for are late teenagers or in their early 20's; if not younger. Just be yourself
👍 120 | 👎 -7

Porter Porter
Being a nice person is one thing. Being "the nice guy" another. Unfortunately, the latter isn't very attractive to women. The best way to increase your attraction with women is not to focus on them but on YOURSELF. Give your looks an overhaul (try out a new hairstyle maybe), learn about fashion and become a more confident personality. In other words: the more you work on yourself and become successful the more you will increase your attraction with women AUTOMATICALLY. Additionally, the more you ignore women the more insecure they'll become and the more they'll fancy you. I don’t want to start a novel here (happens just so fast for me lol) so for a couple more tricks I’d suggest you read this: http://ninoreviews.weebly.com/blog/fundamentals-of-pickup-step-by-step-guide-on-how-to-become-sexy-and-attract-women-today Hope this helps and good luck buddy!! :)
👍 120 | 👎 -11

Maitland Maitland
Don't believe in the "women need jerks" stupidity. Your friend is obviously suffering from low self esteem and/or denial, that's why she accepts that jerk's behavior. You'll get a girlfriend when you meet someone you connect with, it has little to do with whether or not you're actually nice.
👍 120 | 👎 -15

Maitland Originally Answered: Am I a mean person? If I am, please help me be nice because I don't know how to be nice?
To be honest, it never hurts to be a little bit nicer. I find that I not always naturally super nice, so I have to constantly remind myself to be nicer to people and make it almost my mission to go out of my way to be kind to others. And when others are mean to me, I try hard to be kind back to them, because you have no idea what they may be going through. As long as I am thinking about it, I'm find I am a lot nicer and by constantly thinking about it, I am actively training myself to become a better, more kind person :)

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