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Please read and rate my story thus far?

Please read and rate my story thus far? Topic: How to write an outline of a chapter
July 20, 2019 / By Dellma
Question: I would greatly appreciate it if you took the time to read and review the beginning of my new story, The Fallen Legacy. It is a supernatural story, essentially about how a fictional world divided into seven sectors (rather than countries), falls to a dictator disguised as a revolutionist. Violet Aleere, the main character, survives the destruction of her father's kingdom, and loses the throne she was born into. Although many lives have been lost because of it, the revolution continues to grow larger and more popular as time goes on. Violet must make the decision to attempt to return the world back to its original state or to simply join the revolutionists. The story is posted on Fiction Press, so if you have an account there feel free to write a review on that site. If you do not have a Fiction Press account, please put your review as a reply for this question. Thank you, so much for your help! The first chapter is not long at all (not even 1,000 words). I will add more to it, I just wanted a public opinion on the story thus far and to receive feedback on whether or not I should even continue this. I am willing to rate/review other people's stories if they do so for me as a repayment so to speak (: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/3134674/1/The-Fallen-Legacy
Best Answer

Best Answers: Please read and rate my story thus far?

Burgundy Burgundy | 10 days ago
Hi there, As a fellow writer, I gotta say, that was an intense chapter! A good start, kept me captivated the whole time. It reminded me of Final Fantasy 7 as I read about the 7 vectors. And vector that failed because of democracy made me laugh. I say you should definitely continue this as long as you actually have the outline down. I'm interested to see what's to become of Violet and Vincent - how they escape and they deal with Avignon. So keep working on it! Oh, and out of curiosity, how many other stories have you written? You seem pretty good with the visual details -- something I was never good at.
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We found more questions related to the topic: How to write an outline of a chapter


Burgundy Originally Answered: CAN YOU READ MY SMALL CHAPTER OF THE START OF MY STORY AND TELL ME IF ITS GOOD? AND RATE IT OUT OF 1O! THANKS?
If this is the first chapter, I suggest you put another in front of it, or at least add a bit more information to it. Also, you were a little bit jumpy with your thoughts. also, you should make your sentences flow more, but not so much that they are run ons. Other than that, I like the general idea. with the direction you seem to be going with this, her cocky attitude is very fitting. I like the name, but just a tip, I'm not saying to change it, but you should choose a name that fits their personality. Trev sounds like the name fits the personality, but Elle sounds a bit too innocent, you know? I'm not sure what to add as a suggestion, a name that sounds like the person would be more outgoing, maybe Victoria. can you see the difference? Ask around, I'm sure someone could give you a good one. other than all that, it's great, and best of luck! feel free to email me if you want anymore advice. I'm not an expert, but I write alot in my spare time, and am always looking for ways to improve. Maybe I could share some of my findings with you.
Burgundy Originally Answered: CAN YOU READ MY SMALL CHAPTER OF THE START OF MY STORY AND TELL ME IF ITS GOOD? AND RATE IT OUT OF 1O! THANKS?
I didn't read it either, and the reason why is because before I even got to the story you said, can you rate it out of 10 and tell me if its good or not. and tell me why you think its good or not. Yes i know there is spelling and grammar mistakes but just ignore them and read the piece. Which just pisses me, and probably a lot more people off. If you want us to take the time to read your piece of writing then the least you could do, is make sure it is grammatically correct. Seriously, spell check. And in my mind part of rating something, it the grammar.
Burgundy Originally Answered: CAN YOU READ MY SMALL CHAPTER OF THE START OF MY STORY AND TELL ME IF ITS GOOD? AND RATE IT OUT OF 1O! THANKS?
The plot so far is good, but sentence structure needs a little work. The sentence don't flow as much as they should. And I think there isn't enough description. Instead of your telling what all she did to get ready, maybe take bits of that out (or leave them. your choice) and add what she's feeling. nervous? excited? if you give her more personality, she could click more with the reader.
Burgundy Originally Answered: CAN YOU READ MY SMALL CHAPTER OF THE START OF MY STORY AND TELL ME IF ITS GOOD? AND RATE IT OUT OF 1O! THANKS?
"Yes i know there is spelling and grammar mistakes but just ignore them and read the piece." That's not going to fly if you try to tell an agent or a publisher that. I'm sorry, but the mistakes are far too distracting for me to enjoy your work, which, from what I've skimmed, I would never enjoy anyways.

Burgundy Originally Answered: Rate my story 0-5 please?
"But she didn't want her mom to know how much hurt leaving Connecticut was for her" Revise that sentance. For your age, its a 5 or close to it. Keep writing, don't ever stop, and by the time you are grown you will be very accomplished. "The feeling wrenched her heart and stomach together in a sickening combination" Its good by itself, but that sentance plus the one before it are almost over dramatic. Don't remove it, just maybe say it without directly saying it, as you hae done with so many other things.
Burgundy Originally Answered: Rate my story 0-5 please?
im 13 too, and i really thought that was good for your age.i wish i could write something like that. 5/5. =]
Burgundy Originally Answered: Rate my story 0-5 please?
4.5/5 It's pretty good for a 13 year old. It's seems like something i would enjoy reading. I didn't get bored reading it and really kept my attention. Good job

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