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Can you write an amusing little story that incorporates 6 of these lines, just 4 FUN?

Can you write an amusing little story that incorporates 6 of these lines, just 4 FUN? Topic: Cursing writing and learning
May 26, 2019 / By Diane
Question: 1. Fourscore and seven years ago, I asked you to ________. 2. Great!! Now you've made my hives break out! 3. Hey! No one ever said this was going to be a walk in the park. 4. Remember the old adage passed down to us from the founders of our great nation:' __________________.' 5. OMG.....Now she's trying to steal my karma! 6. Bruised and battered. 7. Don't you HONEY me, you two- timing rat! 8. And THEN do you know what she said to me....Well? DO ya?! 9. IMPROVISE, for heaven's sake. 10. Where did you learn to talk like that?!
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Best Answers: Can you write an amusing little story that incorporates 6 of these lines, just 4 FUN?

Caramia Caramia | 5 days ago
“Fourscore and seven years ago, I asked you to cook me breakfast,” grumbled Lord Hathaway, “and now I daresay you’ve left me downtrodden and hungrier than ever.” “Hey,” grumbled Zamfir the Invisible Llama, “no one ever said this was going to be a walk in the park. And besides…..I’m your imaginary friend, remember? How am I supposed to cook for you?” “Great!!” cursed Lord Hathaway, staring aghast at his hands, “Now you’ve made my hives break out!” “Bla bla bla,” said Zamfir, rolling his big brown imaginary eyes, “same old routine. Blame your woes on the imaginary friend…ooh, look everyone! I’m all bruised and battered, bla bla. My invisible llama didn’t cook me an omelette! Oh for shame…” “IMPROVISE, for heaven’s sake,” urged the famished noble, “can you at least rustle up an egg? Or a bowl of Rice Krispies? Or even toast?” Suddenly someone rapped furiously on the door. Zamfir vanished in a small burst of smoke and sparkles, and Lord Hathaway frantically dashed back to bed. “Where did you learn to talk like that?!” shouted Lady Monica from the doorway. “You sound like you’re having a two-way conversation, but I do declare I only see your cherubic visage in this chamber.” “Oh…Lady Monica,” blurted Lord Hathaway, “I can explain…you see, I….I…I am rehearsing for a most amusing romance, which will be presented soon at the local theater. I am merely rehearsing my lines, yes, I am doing that. Most readily so, my Lady.” “I love comedies,” flushed Lady Monica, gaily bouncing to Lord Hathaway’s bedside. “Do let me rehearse with you, I am most accomplished in the ways of theater.” OMG, thought Lord Hathaway, eyeing the buxom young starlet leaning into his mattress, now she’s trying to steal my karma. Oh well… The amorous Lord wrapped his arms around the giggling woman, and began to recite a Shakespeare sonnet. Or was it Bacon? Marlowe? Looking into Lady Monica’s sparking hazel eyes, he could care less. He leaned closer to her, her eyes closing halfway, her mouth parting open, her raspy heaving gasp becoming more excited as their faces neared each other…. “Charles!” “Oh,” said Lord Hathaway, dropping Lady Monica to the floor, “good morning, honey!” “Don’t you HONEY me, you two-timing rat!” snapped the three-headed kangaroo, cradling a rolling pin in her sinewy arms. She fluttered over with the aid of her long, tapering wings to the astonished couple. “Lord, WHO are you talking to?” asked Lady Monica, massaging her slightly bruised rump. “Just an imaginary friend,” said the embarrassed noble, realizing he had given himself away. “Remember the old adage passed down to us from the founders of our great nation….if it doesn’t fit, you MUST acquit?” “Did Evel Kneivel really say that?” said the confused girl. “I imagine you’re also spending time with that lousy Zamfir llama fellow,” seethed the three-headed kangaroo, rapping Lord Hathaway’s knuckles. “But no one can cook an omelette like I can, can they? Can they?” “Oh dear Mistress Roo-Roo, please forgive me,” sighed Lady Hathaway, slumping back on the bed. “I just thought it was time for us to meet new people, spend some time ap---“ “I’m an IMAGINARY FRIEND, you bloody sop!” snapped Mistress Roo-Roo, hopping off the bed. “I only see other people when you want me too.” “This is most peculiar, Lord Hathway,” said Lady Monica, adjusting her petticoat and wig, and rising to her feet, “I wish you luck in your rehearsals. I fear I must return to my estate, as you reconcile with your ehm…..friends.” “No, no, come back,” said Lord Hathaway to the departing women, “I’m sorry….I…oh, drat.” ========================= “ And THEN do you know what she said to me....Well? DO ya?!” “No, pray tell,” said Zamfir the Invisible Llama, sucking down another pile of tater tots, “what did she say?” “She says, `Did Evel Kneivel REALLY say that?” The llama laughed. “You really attract some daft ones, Charles. Everyone knows that quote’s attributable to Nancy Reagan. By the way…how’s the omellette?” “Splendid,” beamed Lord Hathaway, taking another bite. He knew it was really a meatball sub, but didn’t want to embarrass the proud llama. END
👍 138 | 👎 5
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Caramia Originally Answered: Can you write an amusing story story about BUYING A NEW CAR that includes at least 5 of these lines.?
Sunshine’s car was on its way to the junkyard as she turned to Matt and said it was time to replace it. “You’ve had that car for a long time. Don’t you want to spend a little time mourning your loss?” “Heck no!” (1) said Sunshine, “ That was FOUR HOURS AGO., (2) I’ve walked long enough.” “Well, here’s one but all you need is a coffin in the backseat ...it looks like a hearse! (3).” said Matt. “Or a mattress...” said Sunshine with a naughty, naughty (4) gleam in her eye. “Uh huh......Hey! Did you hear the one about the sleezy car salesman and the Methodist minister? (5) One day, a truck driver was driving along the road he saw a pastor hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over. "Where are you going, pastor?" The truck driver asked. "I'm going to the Methodist church 5 miles down the road," replied he replied. “My car broke down.” "No problem,! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck. I just bought it, but it is sounds like it’s on its last legs." The happy pastor climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a car salesman walking down the road. Instinctively he swerved to hit him. At the last moment he remembered there was a minister in the truck with him, so he swerved back to the road and narrowly missed the man Certain he should've missed the salesman, the truck driver was very surprised and immediately uneasy when he heard a loud "THUMP". He felt really guilty about his actions and so turned to the pastor and said, "I'm really sorry preacher. I almost hit that car salesman." "That's okay," replied the minister. "He sold me my car too. I got him with the door."” “And your point is?” asked Sunshine. “Why not buy a new one?” said Matt.

Amice Amice
(4) Remember the old adage passed down to us from the founders of our great nation " (5) OMG.....Now she's trying to steal my karma!" Well if history has taught us one thing it is (9) IMPROVISE, for heaven's sake. (3) Hey! No one ever said this was going to be a walk in the park, you may get (6)Bruised and battered and find yourself cursing me and asking (10) Where did you learn to talk like that?! Hows That? Can anyone make one with less added words???LOL
👍 50 | 👎 1

Warwick Warwick
Fourscore and seven years ago I asked you to take out the garbage. Great!!! So I finally took it out and now look at me...I am covered in hives from all the mold and the dogs attacked the garbage can whilst I was carrying it and made me fall flat on my face which now, thanks to you, is bruised and battered. I am tired of your excuses and your usual, "Hey, No one ever said this was going to be a walk in the park". Don't you HONEY me, you two-timing rat! You ran out on me months ago when you logged on to Yahoo Answers. All I ever see of you anymore is the occasional run to the fridge and the bathroom. At least when you two-timed me for the remote, watching TV was still something we could do together. It seems the only time I really get to find out what is on your heart and mind is if I ask a question on Yahoo Answers. How is that? Sounds like they may be headed to divorce court or to Yahoo withdrawal clinic. Mmm
👍 46 | 👎 -3

Rylan Rylan
My wife's mad because I didn't take out the trash this morning. I was too busy soaking my bruised and battered body from our last fight in a hot tub. She came into the bathroom and asked me why I hadn't finished my list of chores she had posted on the refrigerator? I said, "Honey, I am sore from fighting with you yesterday and need a good hot soak and she said to me, don't you honey me you two timing rat! Where did you learn to talk like that? Four score and seven years ago I asked you to take out the trash but noooooooooooo! You had to make me break out in hives. Then you know what she had the nerve to say to me? Huh? Do you? She said, "Hey? No one ever said this was going to be a walk in the park you lazy bum!" Stop trying to steal my Karma and get that trash out now! I never promised you a rose garden Buster!
👍 42 | 👎 -7

Rylan Originally Answered: ☺ Can you write an amusing little tale about winning a contest only to find that your get-away-weekend?
Okay, okay, so it wasn't the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes but, hey, a weekend away from the kids is a weekend away from the kids! Anyway, it had been a long time since my wife, Samantha and I, had spent the entire evening by ourselves and I was ready and randy to go. So, after driving up the coast for a couple of hours, I followed the turn-off to Bed and Breakfast. We met one of the owners, Jane, at the front door and she showed us around the place. It was the off-season so we we the only couple in the place. It was quiet enough. Not too far from the city but far enough away that it we felt like we were somewhere else for a change. In addition, the house was nestled in a quaint wooded area in a small valley. The only way in and out was the winding road that lead to the highway. It was late afternoon by the time we had unpacked the car and settled into the room. Samantha spotted the old, cast iron tub with claw feet and decided she needed to relax in a long, hot bath. I talked outside on the front porch with Bob and shared a pitcher of Lemonade. After about half an hour, Samantha joined us on the front porch. The bath must have done something for her because she indeed looked very relaxed. As she walked out onto the porch, she moved between me and the sun which was now lower in the sky. The light danced through her loose cotton dress and exposed her curved body. Her hair was still wet and it was obvious that she had only lightly brushed it because it was still a little tangled. She reminded me of the younger woman I had married-one that was not stressed by having to deal with the complexities of juggling kids and a career but was more care-free. And looking at her made me feel younger. As she sat down, it was obvious that I had forgotten about Bob. His smile caught my attention. He had noticed the look on my face as I was watching my wife and said he was happy to see me start to relax a little bit as well. "Most people come up here all wound up. It usually takes about a day for them to wind down enough to enjoy the beautiful scenery here." Samantha hadn't noticed Bob at first, so I introduced the two of them to each other. "So, what brought you here, Bob?" my wife asked. "Well, Bob answered, "I used to be a neurosurgeon. It's a very stressful job." "You mean like internal medicine?" I asked. "No," Bob replied in a fake german accent. "Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys! I am talking about the central nervous system!" "Hey, isn't that a line from a movie?" Bob grinned as he answered, "Yes, but I liked the line, so I stole it!" "So," Samantha continued, are you still in that line of work?" "Sort of, it's mostly research and teaching now. I work with a bunch of students down at the University." Samantha started to study Bob. She looked like she wanted to wanted to ask a question but was trying to figure out how to word it. After a minute or two, Bob broke the ice. "What's on your mind, Samantha?" "Well..., I was just wondering...I've seen movies about medical schools..." "And?" "Well...is it true that you teach students by using cadaevers?" "Yes, actually it is." Bob replied. "Well...how do you get them, the cadevars I mean." "Generally, they are derelicts. Unfortunately, they spend a lot of time getting drunk to forget whatever problem may haved caused them to become derelicts and, occasionally, they die. After about a week, if they still can't be identified, their bodies are donated by the county morgue to the school." "Well...what if you run out of bodies? I mean, what if all of a sudden people stop getting so drunk that they die?" "Well, then I guess I'll have to start going by the bars and buying drinks for them! Which reminds me, it's after 5, would you like some rum to spice up your lemonade?" I laughed at the wicked smile that Bob flashed, but Samantha didn't find it funny at all. Bob realized that Samantha hadn't appreciated his humor and, in a gentlemanly way, apologized. "I'm sorry, Samantha. It was a bad joke." Although Samantha nodded her acceptance of the apology, Bob felt a little unconfortable about possibly offending his guests."Let me see how dinner is coming," he said and removed himself to the inside of the house. Once alone with my wife, I could see that she was still a little upset. "That was kind of spooky wasn't it?" I asked to break the tension. "Spooky? SPOOKY?! This is down-right HORRIFYING!!! Imagine making fun of dying." I've been married long enough to know that, when my wife is angry, it's a lot easier to simply let it go than to try to calm her down. So, for the next few minutes, the two of us sat in silence just looking at the scenery. After a while, Samantha looked at me and smiled a soft but sad smile. "Joe," she said, "I'm sorry. I know that you're working hard to make me happy and, right now, I feel like I'm ruining it for you. I was a little freaked out by what Bob said but, let's not let that spoil our weekend together." "It's okay," I said. I was glad she was feeling better. "I'll tell you what," she said, "Let's you and I have dinner in our room tonight. And then, after dinner, I think I can whip up a little desert for you." She was starting to get that little twinkle in her eye which told me that, tonight, I was going to get taken care of in a very special way. She could see the smile growing on my face and she knew that I was ready to take care of her as well! "I think I'm going to go upstairs and get ready for you. Don't be long." I walked into the dining room just as Jane was preparing the table. "Hi, Jane. If it's okay with you, my wife and I are going to have dinner alone in our room tonight." Jane looked a little disappointed but just as quickly, brightened up and said that would be fine. "I'll bring your dinner and a nice bottle of wine up to your room shortly," she said. "I'll also bring up a couple of candles. It will be a little more romantic that way. Besides, it's starting to cloud up a little. Sometimes, when it rains, the power goes out here." I was a little surprised to hear that but, having grown up in the country I understood. After a nice candlelit dinner, we were starting on our second bottle of wine when the wind began to kick up a little. It was whistling throught the eaves of the house and was making odd noises when, suddenly, it blasted through the open window and blew out the candles. I couldn't find the matches so I felt around for the light switch. I flicked them up and down a couple of times but, as Jane had predicted, the power had gone off. Finally finding the matches, we lit the candles and walked over to shut the windows so the wind wouldn't blow them out again. The candle's dancing flames drew eerie patterns on the walls of the old house. Samantha, remembering the stories that Bob had talked about earlier in the day, was getting a little nervous as she felt a cold chill across her back. "Did you close all of the windows?" she asked. "Yes, but I think there's an open one in the bathroom, let me check it out." I checked and sure enough, there was a window but it was closed tight. When I returned, I could see that Samantha was looking a little upset. "What's going on?" I asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I just feel strange-like someone is watching me." I laughed a little. I could tell she was starting to feel the wine and I was sure the flickering light from the candles was playing with her mind a little. "I need to go to the bathroom," she said. And with that, she got out of bed and walked to the door. But, suddenly, she stopped. "What's going on," I asked. "I don't know," she said, "but, I just got this really strange feeling-like something, or someone, is in the bathroom already. But they weren't using the bathroom, they were just looking at themselves in the mirror. And, then...then I felt this...despair! I don't know what is happening, but this is really starting to scare me." With that, she climbed back into the bed and threw the covers over her. "Come on babe, I thought you had to go to the bathroom." "No, I don't want to go in there. Something is happening." I walked in to the bathroom myself just to comfort her but it didn't do any good. "Babe, it's okay, I think you're just spooked by the wind and the candles." "Come in with me," she said. "What?" "I would rather wet the bed than go in that bathroom alone." It sounded like a strange request, but anything to make her happy. We went in to the bathroom together and I made sure nothing happened to her. Afterwards, it was getting a little chilly so we crawled into bed. "I'm sorry, Joe." she said."You're right, I think it's just the wine." The wind had picked up a little more and the room was starting to get a little colder. We held each other tight to keep each other warm. The warmth and closeness of her body was starting to get me a little excited but the noise that the wind was making was still a little scary. It made her hold me tighter. Before long, we were making love. Sorry, the rest of the story doesn't fit. bobc2799 at yahoo dot com if you want to know the ending.

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